Real life fear/horror/madness

[HuManBing]

Is there some sort of code whereby you're not allowed to hit on a woman if you have already slept with her daughter?

I need to know within the next four hours or so. It's time sensitive.

[Zilfer]

it depends on your morals.... it might cause some ackwardness.

[HuManBing]

it depends on your morals

I think everybody's potentially in grave danger then.

[Zilfer]

it depends on your morals

I think everybody's potentially in grave danger then.

What ever could you mean by that?

[HuManBing]

Back to oldschool horror:

I've been trying to figure out how to make the antagonist of my campaign truly scary. He's already had one mortal protegé, who has tormented the PCs in various creative ways as a prison warden. I've already made the mortal protegé pretty depraved, so making the mentor baddie even moreso might be a tall order.

I then stumbled across a webpage concerning animals with parasitic larvae in them.

I think I have an idea brewing. It involves the theme of "homemade milk and honey". And an infected wife strapped into a chair.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Back to oldschool horror:

I've been trying to figure out how to make the antagonist of my campaign truly scary. He's already had one mortal protegé, who has tormented the PCs in various creative ways as a prison warden. I've already made the mortal protegé pretty depraved, so making the mentor baddie even moreso might be a tall order.

I then stumbled across a webpage concerning animals with parasitic larvae in them.

I think I have an idea brewing. It involves the theme of "homemade milk and honey". And an infected wife strapped into a chair.

I am at once disgusted and strangely intrigued by this idea.

[HuManBing]

Adventures in autocorrect, and a glimpse into the personalities of my players

Note: my phone keeps correcting Falkovnian to Fallopian.

GM: (typing on phone) Okay, people, let's decide what plot arc you want to go on before next session so I have time to prepare. [...] Final choice is to go to Nartok and try to deal with the Fallopian invasion.

Alcibiades: ...this would have to be a very small invasion force, wouldn't it?

Nadia: D: D: D: DO NOT WANT!!! Leave me alone dammit.

Alen: ...you know, in my experience they have never given me any trouble...

Lyra (who majors in biology): The cheek! The nerve!

GM: ...I hate my phone.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Adventures in autocorrect, and a glimpse into the personalities of my players

Note: my phone keeps correcting Falkovnian to Fallopian.

GM: (typing on phone) Okay, people, let's decide what plot arc you want to go on before next session so I have time to prepare. [...] Final choice is to go to Nartok and try to deal with the Fallopian invasion.

Alcibiades: ...this would have to be a very small invasion force, wouldn't it?

Nadia: D: D: D: DO NOT WANT!!! Leave me alone dammit.

Alen: ...you know, in my experience they have never given me any trouble...

Lyra (who majors in biology): The cheek! The nerve!

GM: ...I hate my phone.

ROFLMAO!!! Wow. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

[HuManBing]

Nadia's reaction might make more sense in the context that her character is heavily implied to have been ravished by Vigo Drakov and may be pregnant with a demon-blooded child.

Lyra's reaction probably makes more sense in the context of biology - in humans, the Fallopian nerve is located behind the cheek.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Nadia's reaction might make more sense in the context that her character is heavily implied to have been ravished by Vigo Drakov and may be pregnant with a demon-blooded child.

Lyra's reaction probably makes more sense in the context of biology - in humans, the Fallopian nerve is located behind the cheek.

Nadia's reaction...not so funny now.

Lyra's reaction...even more funny!

[HuManBing]

Sorry, I now realize there is a possible ambiguity in my phrasing.

The Fallopian nerve in humans is located behind the cheek in the face.

There we go.


Also: Nadia was totally on board with the ravishing. It's the whole "giving birth to a demon child who will claw its way out of your steaming contorted uterus" bit that she's not entirely happy about.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Still just as funny on Lyra's part.

As for Nadia, thanks for that image. I'm going to go throw up now.

[HuManBing]

Romance and Mathematics

There are drawbacks to being too mathematically minded. On my birthday, Nadia tried to get things rolling on the threesome with the following conversation. Apparently my reaction was not what she'd expected.

Nadia: Hey Bing! How old are you now?

HMB (playing Skyrim, not paying attention): 33.

Nadia (alluringly): Yessssssss... And what number appears twice in 33?

HMB: I dunno, man - sixteen point five?

Nadia (fortissimo): NO YOU CRETIN, THREE. GODDAMMIT BING STOP BEING SO ASIAN.

HMB:

Fortunately no lasting harm was done.

Averages and the typical ex

I was bored with a calculator recently and I decided to calculate the average relative age of my former romantic bedpartners. As one does.

The sampling range was { -12 < Bing < +19 } and I rounded off incomplete years to reduce the age (so all women will appear slightly younger than they actually were. I'm mathematically generous that way).

The mean relative age was -2.33 and the median was 0, which would imply age-wise that the most normal ex was either ExGirlfriend or the woman who sold me her copy of Settlers of Catan and Dominion (for whom I really ought to come up with a more succinct nickname). This assumption does not hold up well for other general traits apart from age. All the other exes had at least two years' difference between them, except for the youngest two, who had about a year's gap. This leads to the highly odd finding that were it not for ExGirlfriend or the woman who sold me her copy of Settlers of Catan and Dominion, the modal average could be something close to -11 or -12.

This is a weirdass data set.

I then sent about trying to find sigma, which in this case was +/- 9.58. (This means that 50% of the sampling universe is to be found within that spread.) It turns out to be pretty accurate, too, although the sampling universe is an odd number of women so it's not exactly half. This does mean that Nadia and Lyrafall outside of sigma and thus can only be termed as "nonstandard deviants". But they probably knew that already.

And a Short Note on Why Numbers Matter

My ex, CitiesOfGold, and her younger sister, SisterOfGold*, went to a coffee shop. They are two years apart in age.

The barista said to COG "oh, you got the same drink as your daughter, how nice!"

COG's age: 31

SOG's age: 29

Total tip left for barista: $0



*Mentioned in an earlier post of "used non biodegradable contraceptive in her purse later discovered by her mom" fame.

[Zettaijin]

I teach Japanese junior high school kids. That means I get a bunch of 14 year olds who have the maturity level of the average North American 11 year old.

Furthermore, boys are deathly afraid of talking to girls and so compensate by being particularly friendly with kids of the same sex.

One day I walk into a classroom and spot a group of boys pinning another one down on the floor. I take a peek over the desks and notice they are taking turns slipping their hands where the sun don't shine. I look to side and just calmly exit the classroom thinking it's such nice weather and I should just step outside for a few. Later, the same boys were taking turns stepping on another boy's err well, you know. In fact, oddball Doritos packaging here prominently featured strange bodysuit sporting guys doing the same thing.

Groin humour is a big thing in Japan, as I've learned when visiting elementary school. It seems like they are genetically predisposed to deliver swift and unexpected kicks to the most painful area possible from the age of 8.

At a former school notorious for its rowdy delinquent students, the basketball girls practice the ancient Japanese art of the kanchou. Kanchou entails bringing your hands together as for a prayer and then making an arrow of sorts by placing your outstretched index fingers together. Usually the goal is to then surprise someone by shoving said fingers into their backside. My girls realized that they too could partake in this Japanese tradition but added a twist - they do it from the front.

Lastly, the internets have allowed kids to access new English vocabulary with ease. Or should I say forbidden vocabulary. A boy walked up to me and proudly announced "Bachaina!"

It took me a few tries before I decrypted what he was saying. Sighing was my first mistake. Reprimanding him for yelling random body parts in an effort to make them seem dirty was my second. Soon enough, a veritable armada of boys accosted me with cries of "Bachaina!"

Then I bumped into one of my bad girls who grinned and quickly yelled "Bachaina!" herself.

I think at that point I just gave up.

[Zilfer]

Very odd.... ^