Dark Humor

[Tobias Blackburn]

Has anyone ever had a moment that ended up turning far more humorous than it should have?

I had some players searching the cabin that belonged to the graveyard's caretaker. He had disappeared about the same time a zombie plague had begun and they were looking for clues. What they didn't know was that a group of gremishka had taken up residence in the cabin.

They heard the little creeps scurrying around and took some time to convince themselves that they were just rats. Two minutes later, a lantern dropped onto the ranger, who ended up spending a few frantic moments trying to put himself out. When the rogue went to help him, five gremishkas dropped from the ceiling and began swarming him.

As the party sorcerer ran over to help, two jumped off and ran past a curtain that was seperating the rooms (which they had yet to look behind).

The sorcerer runs past the curtain an pulls up short as she finds herself staring at the two gremishka on a table, pointing a loaded crossbow at her. I rolled an attack and got 1. Confirmed the critical lost round with a second 1, and just for the heck of it, rolled to see if I could confirm an instant death miss. The resulting failure caused the string to snap and bisect the two gremishka.

As for the rogue, the fighter went to help him and almost beat him to death trying to get the gremishka off. That lasted a good 10 rounds longer than it should have.

Had them jumping at the sound of skurrying for the rest of the adventure.

[Stygian Inquirer]

Last session, the party in my campaign was fighting a sith in a bar and they filled the tavern with obscuring mist. After one of their teammates killed themselves (see the "Fastest PC Death" thread) they tried attacking the sith with, guess what, STEEL WEAPONS (sith are immune to steel weapons). The steel hammer and axe struck its flesh as if it were stone and the weapons started ringing. Then, when the party realized that they needed to regroup, the sorcerer stood outside and fireballed into the tavern and set the obscuring mist and the alcohol on FIRE making a massive explosion destroying the tavern. Then, when the smoke and dust cleared the sith was still standing there (sith are immune to fire too lol). Then the whole situation turned into an Austin Powers 2 "Why won't you die!" sequence.

[Dominique]

During one of my campaigns, the party was trying to sneak into the home of someone they suspected of being a doppelganger in Paridon. Unfortunately, circumstances demanded that they do it during the day, and there were several people in the streets. I had them make move silently checks; three of them sneaked in with no problem, but the sorceress and the paladin were spotted by someone who started to shout that, by gum, someone was breaking into that man's house.

At this point, the half-Vistani ranger sneaked out through a back exit, ran into the streets, and started to howl, "My Vistani blood! It burns me! IT BURNS ME!" while writhing in the middle of the street. I had him roll bluff, and it came out as a pretty high number, certainly more than high enough to convince the bystanders of the revolutionary idea that half-Vistani might be crazy and dangerous. Suddenly, no one was paying attention to the people breaking into the house, and everyone was staring at the insane half-Vistani and praying he didn't kill them. Someone started to call the constabulary so that they could take this poor man into custody and possibly get him into an asylum. Just as the constabulary started to arrive, the ranger leaped to his feet and announced, "You have just witnessed a performance by the Darkonese Travelling Theatre Company! Thank you for your kind patronage!" I had him roll bluff again. Natural 20.

Not only did they break into the house with no problem, but the ranger managed to raise about 200 gold in donations to the Darkonese Travelling Theatre Company . . .

[Ultramyth]

Not dire situations. But I've had an immature (female) player who had a very dirty mind and would giggle at inappropriate times. I can't even say Rod of Rastinon anymore...

She constantly references the 'rod'.

[Darkknight]

back in 2e... I was playing with a first level group. One player was an "assasin" His first job was to kill peasant Bob... for peasant Jim.

The "assasin" sees Bob under a street lamp, walks up to him, pulls out his daggers. Initative... both roll simo...

The assasin plunges both daggers into Bob, Bob indefense rools a crit on a punch and knocks the "assasin" cold.

The local constable comes upon an "assasin" with two daggers still plunged into the dead Bob.

DM states, " I wonder who could have killed this man?"

Needless to say the pc was thrown into jail and is still rotting in there.

[Gremmith Mi]

Gremmith Mi was watching though a crystal ball the exploits of his foolish foes on the Outlands, near the Spire.

They had been wandering along, following a raiding party of khaasta, and ran into a beholder servant of Gzemnid dispatched to work out what the 'flayers were doing in the area. Long story short, the fools decided that negotiating with a beholder was a poor idea, and attacked it. The priest had a couple of small globes containing the stinking cloud spell that was released when they cracked, that he had stolen from me.

He threw it directly into the beholder's mouth, under the antimagic cone, causing the stinking cloud to spew forth from the floating orb's mouth like a horribly overdeveloped case of halitosis - instantly causing the foolish priest to collapse puking. His erstwhile companions fled, shrieking 'Now it has poison breath!'.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.