Real life fear/horror/madness

[Zettaijin]

That's nothing, I haven't even mentioned Period Girl yet!

[Zilfer]

O.o'

[High Priest Mikhal]

Take it from me, Zilfer, Japanese culture is not Western culture. It's just Westernized. Which can make things even weirder for both.

My stomach has always been a source of trouble. It comes with Asperger's. But on Friday I go in for an endoscope. That's that one that goes down the throat. But the medical bills in this journey of follies still leave me feeling violated in the other end. I bet if I walk into my insurance company's offices everyone will be an overweight, bald hick who only ever say, "Squeal like a piggy, boy!"

[HuManBing]

Odds and Ends

1. On alcohol's deleterious effects on diplomacy

This conversation happened around a table earlier this spring. Fleshtone denotes somebody who knows about the Nadia-Bing fling. Subarctic denotes somebody who specifically must not be allowed to find out about the Nadia-Bing fling.

Nadia (drunkenly): I got fitted for a new bra today. I thought I was a size "C" all my life. Turns out I'm a size "E".
Bing: Woah. That's like... three?... sizes too small. That's insane. [Ed: It's actually two sizes in the U.S.]
Lyra: Tell me about it. Certain times of the month, Nadia's bras would literally break under the strain. You'd hear a "tweak!" and a bit of plastic would go skidding across the card table. And then she'd just look sheepish.
Aze: Heh heh heh. Nice.
Nadia: IT IS AWESOME. I DECLARE NADIA BOOBS TO BE THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THE WORLD. ALL IN FAVOR?
Aze: Aye.
Lyra: Aye.
Bing (maintains a careful silence): ...
Nadia: Bing I asked if you think my boobs are awesome. Why aren't you saying Aye?
Bing (with a meaningful look): How would I know? It's not like I've seen them or anything, right?
Nadia: What? No. How about right after your birthday, when I...-
Bing and Lyra (VERY LOUD CLEARING OF THROATS): AHEM!!!

(At this point belated realization dawns upon drunk Nadia like sunlight on the Matterhorn. Aze is watching the rest of us curiously.)

Nadia: ...when I... uh... DIDN'T - show them to you...?
Lyra (sotto voce): Smooth Nadia. Real smooth.


2. On the danger of idioms around non-native speakers

LomboDot (Chinese visitor): I only have pants suits. I don't have any skirts. I think I should buy a skirt. What do you think?
Bing: I dunno, I think pants are good on you.
LomboDot : You don't think it's too boyish?
Bing: Hmm. On some women, it might be. But you look good in pants. You can definitely pull it off.
LomboDot : ...
Bing: ...?
LomboDot : ...you say "pull it off". Does that mean "pull my pants off"? Are you trying to look at my underwear?
Bing: What? No! That's a... an idiom... a figure of speech...
LomboDot : Because if that's what you mean then I think skirts would actually be more convenient really.
Bing: ... (There is nothing I can say at this point that will not make things worse.)...

3. On Nadia's mom

Nadia: My mom is funny.
Lyra: Your mom is hot.
Nadia: What? Really? She's like sixty years old.
Aze: Yes but she is a hot sixty year old.
Lyra: She looks more like a forty year old.
Bing: I have beheld your mom and bear fervent witness to her manifest hotness.
Nadia: Haha, you guys.
Aze: I'd take her to the senior prom, if you catch my drift.
Lyra: I'd try to turn her to the dyke side of the Force, if you know what I mean.
Bing: I'd give her an NSA phoneline just so I could tap that, in a manner of speaking.
Nadia:
Lyra/Bing/Aze:


Update: LomboDot is now in a relationship with me. She is also finally in possession of skirts.

[Zilfer]

First of all I would like to say....

Aze was slightly Morose....

second!

*facepalm* wow.


And yeah Japanese culture is veeeery different. Though there was a bit of downstairs humor when I was in elementary, but it was grown out of rather quickly. Depends on the circles you hang out with as well... XD

[High Priest Mikhal]

And yeah Japanese culture is veeeery different. Though there was a bit of downstairs humor when I was in elementary, but it was grown out of rather quickly. Depends on the circles you hang out with as well... XD

Well there's one shared cultural facet.

[HuManBing]

The downside to dating somebody who also likes gaming

I recently played a card game with my good friend WiseOne and my girlfriend LomboDot.

Because I was busy attacking them both and not actually gaining points, I ended up trailing by a significant margin. I had only 17 points.

When the game ended, LomboDot and WiseOne both totalled their points and discovered that LomboDot had a narrow 1-point lead over WiseOne. The game ended at 32 to 31, in LomboDot's favor.

Unluckily for LomboDot, I held a card that allowed me to destroy one card in play. I immediately destroyed a 1-point card she held, bringing them both to a hilarious tie.

(Well, hilarious to me and WiseOne, anyway. LomboDot was not so amused.)

She got up to finish cooking the stir fry and she gave us all plates of delicious food.

My plate turned out to be really really goddam spicy. I asked WiseOne if he was okay and he chewed away happily saying it wasn't spicy at all.

LomboDot smiled a secret smile at me.

...

HMB: LomboDot is cheeky!

SmallMom: Oh, good, so you're on familiar territory then...

HMB: What?! SmallMom is cheeky!

SmallMom: ...I rest my case.

[Gonzoron of the FoS]

Argh, it's killing me that I can't identify the game in question. I was sure it was Dominion until this line:

Unluckily for LomboDot, I held a card that allowed me to destroy one card in play.

which would make no sense in Dominion... so what is it?!?! I must know!!!

[HuManBing]

It's Citadels. The card that allows me to destroy another card is The Warlord character.

(Lately I've learned that under the official rules, Warlord may NOT destroy a district of somebody who's already hit eight. But as a houserule we allow him to do that because otherwise he becomes a very low-value character near endgame...)

I own Dominion and I fully intend to introduce LomboDot to it. Possibly later today after breakfast ^_^

[Gonzoron of the FoS]

It's Citadels. The card that allows me to destroy another card is The Warlord character.

(Lately I've learned that under the official rules, Warlord may NOT destroy a district of somebody who's already hit eight. But as a houserule we allow him to do that because otherwise he becomes a very low-value character near endgame...)

Ah, no wonder I didn't get it. We follow that rule around here. Also, I haven't played it in years. And also we refer to it only in German because the name is awesomer: Ohne Furcht und Adel.

[Zilfer]

lol the cheek!

[High Priest Mikhal]

Middle Age and Me
I remember watching an episode of The Red Green Show where Red defined what truly marks the entry into middle age.

"It has nothing to do with chronological age. You know you've reached middle age when everything else in life takes a back seat to comfort. Forget excitement, you want heating and air conditioning. You want padding. On your paycheck, on your taxes, on your own butt. Forget passion. You want to be in a comfortable relationship where no one yells at one another. Your wild oats have turned into wild oat bran."

I'm not sure when it happened but I've now realized that's me. But it's the physical aspects that get me. When I stand up it sounds like a steam roller running over bubble wrap. My stomach demands that every meal I eat be accompanied by Tums or it's rejected. Metamucil and Bengay are my new best friends. Whenever inclement weather is coming my wrist lets me know sooner than the local weather forecast and with more accuracy. If age is a state of mind then my brain...I forgot what I was going to say. And if I catch you on my lawn I'll shoot you if I can ever find my glasses. Or my other glasses. Or my other, other glasses.

[HuManBing]

I hear ya, Mikhal. The other day I was about to take LomboDot out to breakfast at a Chinese dim sum place. I was looking for my glasses, without which I cannot legally drive.

LomboDot, who is a decade younger than me, began to laugh and made a hilarious list of stuff I had to find before I could leave the house.

"You need to find your GLASSES so you can grab your CANE in order to walk over to your DENTURES so you can order your GRUEL for breakfast with your girlfriend...!"

Such impudence. Impudence, I say!

As any schoolboy knows, the only solution to this is a JOLLY GOOD BEATING, what.

"You'd better pray I don't get my hands on your butt," I said sternly. "Otherwise I'm going to give your arse such a pummelling that you won't be able to sit down for a week at least."

I thought this would intimidate her, but I thought wrong. If anything, LomboDot seemed strangely cheerful and even intrigued at this. The bloody cheek of it.

I no longer pretend to understand young people.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Middle Age and Me: Mood
If you've ever seen Jeff Dunham then you've no doubt seen his character, Walter. Minus the wrinkles, the jowls, and the cardigan, that's what I'm turning into. My friends say I'm a grumpy old man. Well I have every right to be grumpy! Do they wake up three times every night to use the bathroom? Do they have to pull hairs daily out of their ears and nose just to avoid looking like Sasquatch? Are they losing heir on their head but gaining it in those places I just mentioned? Are their left knees going bad to the point they need a cane (mine I got at Cabela's, made from the reproductive organ of a bull; don't ask, look it up) to walk? So excuse me if I'm just pissed off all the time with no energy while they're so cheerful and energetic I swear they've had a six-pack of Red Bull and crack! I'm old and something probably hurts, damn it.

I no longer pretend to understand young people.

I quit trying when I realized they stopped using words to communicate and used acronyms? WTF? Is it really that hard to just say the damn words? And what the hell is with this texting crap? In my day our phones were for talking to the other person. It was easier, faster, and we didn't sprain our thumbs in the process. And social media? Why do young people think anyone gives a crap about what they're doing every second of the day? Don't these people watch the news? Those things are loaded with stalkers, pederasts, and worst of all, other people! Twitter really is for twits.

[Zilfer]

She was excited by spanking that sounds like it has a story embedded in it.... though i'm from the younger generation of which you 2 speak..... she may have been thinking of a different kind of spanking to say the least.


Anyways! Kinda had a horror moment when realizing 3 people leaving or being let go at work means a lot of work to come..... which means over time which i only like at the end of the month.... T.T why?

For Mikhail.... me and my friend's have always had one on my star wars board that we used alot.


OMFGWTFBBQBREAKDANCINGEWOKS!