New Years Resolutions in Ravenloft

[Hrtofdrkns]

I doubt that that would stop them from engaging in their nightly tearing of you into itty bitty pieces...

Godefroy: Okay, new resolution. I will get a tearing into itty bitty pieces-proof suit. I think they make them in Lamordia...

[Wiccy of the Fraternity]

Drigor: To finish my memoirs... in this human lifetime.

Elspeth: To write out her contracts in shorthand.

Gregor Zolnik: To take more moonlight strolls without killing anyone.

Alfred Timothy: To finish the circle, it is sopposed to have a roof.

Sheriff von Zarovich: To become useful (I am surprised no one has already said this one).

Shinpi Haki: "I resolve to build a more solid foundation to my life."

Elena Faith-Hold: "I resolve to retreat from the world and do what I have always wanted to, become a nun."

[Gemathustra]

Elena Faith-Hold: "I resolve to retreat from the world and do what I have always wanted to, become a nun."

*remembers Mel Brooks' role as Torquemada...*
OY

[Wiccy of the Fraternity]

*remembers Mel Brooks' role as Torquemada...*
OY

I see someone thinks along the same lines as me lol.

[Gemathustra]

*remembers Mel Brooks' role as Torquemada...*
OY

I see someone thinks along the same lines as me lol.

*offers Dru some, um, rahsberries from his muffin*

[VAN]

J. Renier: Decide to finally get a cat!

Adam: Go to Mordenheim's laboratory and help him!

[Scarycount]

Drakov: (looking at a map of Darkon) It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

Strahd: (looking at a picture of Tatyana) She will be mine. Oh yes, she will bw mine

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Strahd again (looking at picture of himself from EtCR): Finally track down a portrait-painter who doesn't portray him as either an elf, a zombie, and/or blue.

[Brandi]

Strahd again (looking at picture of himself from EtCR): Finally track down a portrait-painter who doesn't portray him as either an elf, a zombie, and/or blue.

That reminds me of the now-long-gone Ask Azalin ramble about Stephen Fabian.

[HuManBing]

Azalin's main NYR would be to be a better father and really "be there" for Irik.

In the therapy group

Carrie Fisher: Now, why don't you tell us about your relationship?

Irik: Well... I think my father's trying to kill me.

CF: Oh, Irik, don't worry. We may say we mean to kill each other but, we really don't.

Azalin: Actually the boy is quite astute, I am trying to have him killed. So far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily, like his old man. (Gives a heartening smile, then realizes himself and straightens expression immediately.)

Irik: This is exactly what I'm talking about.

CF: Well, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?

Azalin: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

(General murmurs of encouragement.)

Azalin: Well... where to begin? My father was a relentlessly anti-magic earldom administrator with a penchant for quashing rebellions. My brother was an oversized glutton who would drink anything you put into a winepress and eat anything that couldn't climb out of one. He would drink, he would womanize, he fit into an outrageously large coffin when his stomach burst. The palace guards made meat helmets from him.

My childhood was unremarkable - spellcraft with Quantarius, cantrip lessons. Then on to level two spells like knock, invis, and levitate to infiltrate the girls' dorms at night. At age 14 I summoned my first glabrezu, in what eventually turned out to be my brother's body. At age 60 I discovered my reluctant wife Olessa ritualistically weakened my spermatozoa, so she wouldn't have to bear my children. When I reversed her deception, I had her shins and forearms crushed so she remained in bed for a nine months while I made her pregnant with young Irik here - he was the best thing she ever produced in her life. There really is nothing quite like a grudge-pounding with rejuvenated loins; it's quite breathtaking I assure you.

CF (speaking for the whole therapy group when she says this): You know, we have to stop...

[Dion of the Fraternity]

Ivana Boritsi: I'll get my groove back, you'll see.

[HuManBing]

Strahd again (looking at picture of himself from EtCR): Finally track down a portrait-painter who doesn't portray him as either an elf, a zombie, and/or blue.

That reminds me of the now-long-gone Ask Azalin ramble about Stephen Fabian.

What did the "Ask Azalin" response have to say about Fabian's work, anyway? I rather like Fabian because he's the only artist who drew Azalin's human face. (Although if I ever get my hands on a scanner, you'll soon see a second drawing from a fan.) However, some of Fabian's work is a little cartoony and I think the Guide to the Lich portrayals suffered from it.

[Brandi]

What did the "Ask Azalin" response have to say about Fabian's work, anyway?

I remember something to the effect of Azalin always having liked his original portrait (the Black Box depiction, no doubt). "What do you mean, he only works with living subjects these days? Have him dragged back immediately."

I suspect Mangrum remembers the exact quote better than I.

[Pariah]

Drakov: I think I'll stop killing people for no apparent reason...

Haha! I love lying! You there, bring me everyone whose name starts with a 'J' and have them and their families impaled!

Azalin: Another new year..? How old am I now..? One, two, three...

...another new year..? How old am I now..? One, two, three...

Ivana: I won't sleep with and/or kill any men this year! *bluff check*

Ivan: I'll try a friendlier approach than assassination in my quest for eternal youth. *bluff check*

Strahd: I won't invite any more adventurers into my castle...maybe only one group...no! I have to be reasonable...I'll make it no more than ten groups.

Godefroy: I'm going to ask my wife for a divorce...that should solve everything! "Honey...I've been thinking...things haven't been working out between us...and I think it would be better for all of us if - MY LEGS! AHHHHHH!"

(I couldn't wait until new year's either...)

[wolfgang_fener]

Strahd again (looking at picture of himself from EtCR): Finally track down a portrait-painter who doesn't portray him as either an elf, a zombie, and/or blue.

That would be quite a cool way for a bard PC to introduce himself...