Real life fear/horror/madness

[Zilfer]

We haven't seen him in a few years..... so maybe! XD

[High Priest Mikhal]

Woah, that's a putrid performance by a doctor if ever I heard of one! Sorry you had to go through that, High Priest Mikhal, but I'm glad you survived it. My first girlfriend, Gumdrop, had a gall bladder blockage that went misdiagnosed by the British doctors and it turned into liver cancer with fatal consequences. One thing I learned is if there's any doubt about the gall bladder you can't rely on generalists - specialize that bugger to the hilt.

That's just it. The quack was a specialist. I'd have sued but I simply don't have faith in the legal system as overloaded as it is. Instead I've told my story and warned people not to see this guy at all on several sites that list bad doctors. The court of public opinion is infinitely more powerful than any court of law.

[HuManBing]

Will and codicil

I have critically failed a real-life Will roll and I am now romantically involved with two women who are also coincidentally dating each other.

The last time they had a fight in my presence was on the morning after my birthday, when one woman made an astonishingly incendiary quip against the other woman comprising of three words and referring to me. The first two words were "One up, [...]!" and the third word has sadly been lost to history.

I was in the shower at this time but I became aware of structural concerns in the building. I subsequently emerged to find their entire apartment trashed and signs of profound physical violence between them. One of them had scarpered altogether - the other one was trying to reassemble the futon so she'd have somewhere to sit and apply the hydrogen peroxide. The general mood around the apartment was that of a circus where the Bengal tiger and Siberian bear had escaped their cages and buggered off after smashing everything in a fit of pique.

It's a wonder the police weren't involved. I don't think this would have comported well with the Rules of Legal Professionalism.

dubious face.jpg (106.97 KiB) Viewed 2079 times

If I don't make it out alive, next poster in this thread gets first dibs on my Talon Tarokka Deck.

In the unlikely event they leave enough of me to bury, I'd like an unmarked plot near a view of the water, so I can reflect in perpetuity on a lifetime of extremely poor decisions.

[Zilfer]

DIBS!

[Zilfer]

Realizing Bing has not posted in this topic all of the 3rd.....

*Horror Music/Shocked Face*


*Adds the 4th thus far!*

[High Priest Mikhal]

Don't worry. I'm sure even Bing has periods of normalcy. Why post about those?

[HuManBing]

I am still not dead.

Several sanity-stretching updates. I broke up with the lesbians recently, partially because I wanted to pursue a Chinese postgraduate student. One of the lesbians took this well. The other failed to display the grace and dignity becoming an adult.

In any case, the copacetic lesbian has informed me that the problematic lesbian does in fact have at least two other hitherto undisclosed male paramours on her to-do list, so if nothing else there's a good chance she'll be too distracted to continue mucking about in my life. Copacetic lesbian also has another potential boyfriend lined up after I take my leave so that's good.

This is an object lesson, if any were needed, why you don't get involved with college students. No sense of consequences.

Nomenclaturally it does bring up the odd question of whether we can even refer to them as lesbians anymore, if they're dating guys. But that's an existential question for them to wrestle with.

It's not all bad news though.

The Chinese postgrad turned out to be the best date I'd ever had in my life. Better still, some far-sighted ex boyfriend had gotten her into board games and card games in a big way. At one point during the evening, we started trading war stories about far-out dating experiences, and naturally the lesbian threesome came up - and her reaction was inquisitive fascination. I think she was taking notes.

Her: "How does a man get lesbians interested in him, if they're lesbians? I don't understand."

Me: "I'm not sure myself but I suspect the cross dressing helped..."

(She was okay with the cross dressing as well, and even asked me about my mascara tips.)

She is 23, which is almost a decade younger than me but which nonetheless makes her the oldest date I've had this entire year.

The evening ended with her telling me the most attractive sentence I could hope to hear from a woman: "I'm not interested in having kids."

Schwing!




I also have a job interview coming up this week. I think balance is slowly returning to the universe.

[HuManBing]

Cultural addendum

I told the Chinese postgrad that I dated a 50-year-old when I was 31. She misheard and initially thought I'd said a 15-year-old when I was 31.

The weird thing was, she was apparently okay with the idea of a 31/15, but when I corrected her and clarified it was actually a 31/50, she was momentarily taken aback.

"Dating a fifteen year old is uncommon but understandable," she said. "But why would you date a fifty year old?"

I had to explain the concept of an age of consent to her.

[HuManBing]

The Doctor

Remember this post, years ago?

Brace for the sequel.

It's usually a good idea to get an STI test after the termination of every physical relationship. This goes double if you're about to start another physical relationship with somebody else. And triply so if one of your partners has been covertly trysting with random guys she met on the internet during your involvement with her and pointedly not disclosing this information until such time as her girlfriend tells you out of ethical indignation. Right after catching the miscreant taking pictures of herself in the shower with bizarre messages written on her body for the appreciation of her extracurricular paramours. @_@

It's just good health practice and good ethics. Plus in certain jurisdictions, if you infect somebody else with a disease, the law can treat it as a constructive battery - and I'm not the sort of person who goes around battering women, constructively or otherwise.

My doctor is a charming southern gentleman who likes to type up all his notes on a laptop as his patients tell him. He asked me how many partners I had.

There was no simple answer to this question, and as I explained in full, the doctor was unable to type quickly enough to keep track of the people and relationships involved.



We went over it again, slower, but there were still a few too many lesbians and a confusing unrelated postgrad thrown into the mix. My doctor had by this time given up on typing and he took off his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose and then put his glasses back on again and looked at me.

In the end I had to draw him a diagram before he could adequately grasp the situation.

"I guess you see this sort of thing pretty often?" I asked, when we were done.

"No, actually this is pretty uncommon," my doctor said earnestly.

Luckily, the test came back negative across the board and apparently my Vitamin D and cholesterol numbers have even improved. I'm not sure the lesbians had anything to do with that though.

It was a good day.


Addendum: I asked my doctor if the recent news stories about Michael Douglas and origins of his throat cancer had any validity within the medical profession.

My doctor said flat out that Michael Douglas did not know what he was talking about and there was no medical evidence to support his claims. The viruses in question have been linked only to cervical cancer, not throat cancer.

Which means I'm probably okay, being a dude and all.

[Gonzoron of the FoS]

a few too many lesbians

I seem to recall seeing that band at CBGB's in my college years.

[High Priest Mikhal]

High School Biography Directory

The other day I received a card in the mail asking me to call my old school district for the purposes of giving them current biographical details for a directory they're making. After thinking about it I called and said, "Disabled war veteran." The lady pressed for more info on which "war" I had been in and what "disabilities" I had. Looking back at my history of being bullied from pre- through high school from a psychological POV I was very much in a warzone 3/4 of the time (summer vacation was my only reprieve), including the continual vigilance and constant fight-or-flight syndrome as well as meeting every clinical criteria for PTSD, not to mention emotional abuse from my father who is himself an emotional and physical abuse survivor, I said, "My life was my war."

As for disabilities, the root cause of most of my past and present problems--Asperger's--more than meets the legal definition of "disabled." Throw in health problems part and parcel of Asperger's and I more than meet the terms for "permanent disability." It's a miracle I hold down a job at all.

Needless to say she couldn't put all that down and instead entered "Permanently disabled due to the perfect storm."

(Okay, I know that's not humor but it feels good to get all this off my chest. Also save any pity; I just want people to understand. As a follow-up, I go in for a blood test the day of this post to check for type-2 diabetes and H. pylori infection. Hopefully I caught anything serious in time.)

EDIT: Blood test done, no diabetes. Potential H. pylori infection based on symptoms and results of home treatment. Won't know for a couple of days but the odds are looking good (80+%) it's nothing more serious than a regular bacterial infection since I caught it so soon and easily knocked out cold by antibiotics.

[HuManBing]

The Absence of a "Meeting of the Minds"

Brother to brother

HMB: Hey, HDT, do you wanna date CitiesOfGold?
HDT: Uh, sure.
HMB: Okay, I'll send you both a funny picture and you respond with another funny picture to both of us.
HDT: Huh?
HMB: Maybe she'll fall for your humor and start emailing you and then you can date her.
HDT: Cool.

Lover to ex

HMB: Hey, CitiesOfGold, do you wanna date HDT?
COG: Wait, what?
HMB: Do you wanna date HDT?
COG: This is your... brother?!?
HMB: Yeah, that one. He's totally cool. He's my best friend and he's really chill and he knows how to treat a lady, especially a lady who likes to munch on healthy home cooked meals.
COG: Uuuuuuu, munching is tempting. But he is your brother? He'd look like you. And feel like you. And it would be weird.
HMB: But I look like me and feel like me and you dated me for two years. How could it be weirder than dating me? Come on, he's nice!
COG: ...>_> I have to go do work now. *logs off*

HMB: T_T

HDT: T_T





I'm not sure why people get weirded out by some sibling reminder in their romantic choices. Lyra behaved very similarly to HDT (right down to the hiding under blankets and sniffing things through them) and we still got along all right.

Or maybe it's me. Lyra and Nadia did theorize that maybe Lyra was a distant relative to me in real life, or even an undiscovered sibling. At that point they both agreed "yeah, if there's one person that wouldn't really mind this sort of thing, it's probably Bing..."

[HuManBing]

An oldie but goodie

Back in 2002 I was in Beijing, and one of my jobs was English tutoring. My two students were a pair of high school students aged 16 and 17.

It's a common stereotype that Chinese are short, but this is not really true of Northerners. Both of these high school girls were taller than me and they had not even stopped growing yet. I seem to recall they were both around 180cm, or just over 5'9". (I'm closer to 5'8".)

It was fun to teach them English and to hear what they thought about the world, about China's place in it, and about their place in China.

One girl had hopes of joining the military as a technician, and she did not want to get married until she had made officer rank. The other girl was aiming for private enterprise and commerce, and she had a number of parameters in mind already for her future husband:

- age must not be younger than four years her senior, not to exceed eight years her senior.
- minimum one more higher education degree than her.
- salary specifics, but I can't remember what they were and in any case they're probably laughably out of date by now.
- must have a car and be able to drive it, although a chauffeur "would be acceptable".
- must have a house near Beijing, or at least be willing to buy an extra one there.
- must be a member of the Chinese Communist Party, but must NOT take it seriously.
- must not be infertile or have any philosophical objection to having kids like some goddam prevert.
- must have a mother who will treat her nicely, or no mother at all.
- must be at least 190cm tall if she is a virgin at the time of their meeting otherwise 185cm will be acceptable .

The last item always gets me. Virginity directly translates to two inches of height in a mate.

They'll be in their late twenties now; that's older than my last three dates. I hope they're doing okay in today's tumultuous Middle Kingdom.


Oh, and for the record, they had no problem pronouncing "L" and "R" sounds, both of which appear in Mandarin Chinese. Instead, the single hardest sound for them to pronounce in English words was the "s" sound in "treasure". It always came out as a "j" sound instead.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Oh, and for the record, they had no problem pronouncing "L" and "R" sounds, both of which appear in Mandarin Chinese. Instead, the single hardest sound for them to pronounce in English words was the "s" sound in "treasure". It always came out as a "j" sound instead.

The "L" as an "R" sound is actually Japanese kanji, which has no "L" equivalent. The popularity of English words being incorporated into speech by Japanese youths is changing that, though.

[HuManBing]

Koreans and Cantonese speakers have some problems too with the R sound. But not Mandarin, which has both as a matter of course.

For me, the hardest sound to differentiate is the difference between "jin" (gold) and "jing" (capital city). I can't tell the difference between a goldfish and a whale.