Your wish granted...with a twist (part 2)

[Jason of the Fraternity]

I wish that there was some way to continue this thread.

Granted! Although now we must endure through another thread full of twisted wishes (thus, negate Jinn's previous wish without also dispelling the angry mob that is currently hunting him down).


I wish there was a medication that could truly cure the common cold.

[lostboy]

Granted supa-cyanide is now freely available at a pharmacist near you.

You'll be free from sniffles, phlegm, and life, guaranteed or your money ba...... oh yes well maybe we'll use it for our legal fees instead....

I wish I didnt still have a hangover at 3:45 in the afternoon.

[HuManBing]

Granted, you are now in a coma. Your head feels fine.

I wish I had coordinated my best friend's birthday celebrations better. Right now he's off with his girlfriend watching some boring documentary about the childbirth industry in the US.

[Don Fernando]

Granted! He's now recovering from the heart attack he had, after you and your friends surprised him with a midnight birthday party.
...He's now watching some boring documentary about the childbirth industry in the US, in his hospital bedroom.... alone btw..

I wish I could see the dark side of the moon from my bedroom window.

[cure]

I wish I could see the dark side of the moon from my bedroom window.

Granted. A solar eclipse promptly comes to pass. But you sleep through it.

I wish to know how the Gazeetters would have been different had Socko rather than S been their protangonist. (And no, I am not hinting that Socko is S.)

[JinnTolser]

Granted! Unable to cope with the insanity and stress of having Socko as their protagonist and narrator, the writers of the Gazetteers give up halfway through volume one, resulting in the series never being published.

I wish I'd been able to come up with a better twist.

[Sylaire]

Granted! You think up a brilliant twist on the wish, one both bitingly ironic and utterly hilarious. Unfortunately for you, it's so hilarious that you pop a blood vessel laughing at your own joke and expire twitching on the floor. Seeing the grin on your face, the medical examiner comments, "Well, at least he died happy."

I wish my hair would dry faster so I could get to bed without it looking like a fright wig in the morning.

[Dimitri Mazieres]

Granted! Your hair now dries in about five minutes. Of course, it could hardly take any longer, as you now only have a small flock of hair on your whole head.

I wish I was able to find one set of Tarokka cards (the ones made by Talon).

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Granted! You find the deck you've been looking for, but when you bring them home and open the package, you discover they're all missprints with backs on both sides. (Ergo, you have no future.)


I wish I knew a more effective way to explain respiratory physiology to my students.

[Dimitri Mazieres]

(Ergo, you have no future.)

Meh... I didn't need a set of cards to tell me THAT!
I guess fate can't get more explicit than that...

I wish I knew a more effective way to explain respiratory physiology to my students.

Granted! A sudden surge of insight dawns deep in your mind and you know that this time they will learn!

Unfortunately, you're promptly removed from the faculty's staff and thrown into a nice, cozy, cell with padded walls after you vivisect a couple of your students to show the rest of your class the finer points of human physiology.

I wish I had Rotipher's deep knowledge of human physiology so I didn't have to be in perpetual doubt of my diagnoses.

[alhoon]

Granted! You're framed for a similar crime like hers you never commited and are sent to her cell. While the guards are asleep, Rotipher teaches you a lesson you won't forget. She teaches you the same way she taught her students; by carving you up. Miracously her knowledge of physiology keeps you alive and active long enough so you can learn. In your final agonized moments, you have her deep understanding of physiology.

I wish Dimitri suffered even longer in his lesson from Rotipher. (Yeah, I know I'm evil. )

[HuManBing]

Granted! Dmitri is now unable to have sex for 80,000,000 years. (Bonus points if you spot the source.)

I wish my friend could understand why everybody and their neighbor has been telling him that various things have been bad ideas.

P.S. It would be really really great if he could come to that understanding before he moves far away to a country where he doesn't speak the language and can't legally get a job, just so he could be with the mother and the kid, even though that would be vaguely amusing in a black humor sense.


P.P.S. The phrase "black humor" is NOT A RACIST PHRASE. DO NOT CALL MY EDITOR TO COMPLAIN.

[Dimitri Mazieres]

Granted! Dmitri is now unable to have sex for 80,000,000 years. (Bonus points if you spot the source.)

Hey! There's not a twist to that one!

Because of that, I feel compelled to re-elaborate alhoon's wish:

I wish Dimitri suffered even longer in his lesson from Rotipher. (Yeah, I know I'm evil. )

Granted! Your mind and Dimitri's switch bodies, and thanks to your illithid higher resistance, you're able to withstand Rotipher's attentions for quite a few days more.

Meanwhile, Dimitri wonders why he suddenly looks like Dr. Zoidberg...

And since I'm at it, I might as well do HuManBeing's wish :

I wish my friend could understand why everybody and their neighbor has been telling him that various things have been bad ideas.

Granted! He realizes it... Now he knows that everybody and their neighbor are part of a gigantic conspiracy akin to The Truman Show, which only seeks to prevent him from leaving the fake life that is part of Lemot Sediam Juste's latest play.
And now that he knows, he will find a way to escape, which will probably require killing some of the "secondary players" and "extras".

I wish that I didn't look like Dr. Zoidberg... :bleblebleeh!:

[lostboy]

Granted! You now look like Cthulhu instead! Oh hang on, arent they pretty much the same thing? hey would you look at those stars moving.....

Cruunch, slobber, gargle (general noise of Lostboy being devoured). "foolish mortal, comparing me, great Cthulhu with a cartoon character, mmmm foolish human, glaaaarh (drooling)"

I wish I hadnt been devoured by Cthulhu whilst he was doing an impression of Homer Simpson....

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Granted. You are instead devoured by Cthulhu while he's campaigning for President at GenCon ... twice. The Great Old One is not doing a Homer Simpson impression on either occasion; you, however, happen to be dressed up as Pikachu at the time. *


I wish I weren't locked up in a padded cell with nothing but other gamers to dissect. (I'm really much better at triple-injected cats, dogfish sharks, and plain ol' earthworms.)







[* - This actually happened at the "Cthulhu for President" rally at GenCon 2000. I'm not kidding.]