I found this on a fan fiction website and had to share
The Mad Scientist might be a redneck if...
1. A lake monster is mounted over the fireplace.
2. A sign on the stairs: You’ve seen our dungeon, now go home.
3. Aborted experiments in glass jars are all labeled: Critters.
4. After Master finishes his Christmas shopping, he gets a thank-you note from Jack Daniels.
5. Any animal created or changed by his experiments can be controlled through the use of Budweiser's.
6. Any of the artwork in the castle is painted on black velvet.
7. Anything in the lab was purchased from Ronco.
8. Fuzzy dice on the Monster’s neck bolts.
9. He commonly uses the phrase ‘from hell’ as a qualifier. “Man, that’s the Tesla Coil from Hell, innit?”
10. If the castle is a smoking ruin, the Monster is dead, Igor has run off, and the Master is about to be hung from the village gates...and he blames it all on Jane Fonda.
11. Igor also answers to Billy-Bob or Jesse.
12. Igor has a comb-over mullet.
13. Igor has suppressed memories of being abducted by aliens.
14. Igor usually wins the spitting contests because his brand of tobacco has a higher specific gravity than anyone else's.
15. Igor’s back hump is an upside down beer gut.
16. Master fears the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms more than the Justice Department or angry villagers.
17. Master has ever said that ethanol makes the Monster ‘run better.’
18. Master has ever searched the dimensions for the one where Ann Coulter has cleavage.
19. Master has made a bug zapper powered by the lightning collector.
20. ...and has ever spent the evening watching vampires hit it and burst into flames.
21. Master has organized a tail-gating party before attempting to animate the Monster.
22. Master has referred to the village constable as ‘Smokey.’
23. Master has sent the Monster to spray-paint science formulas on the overpass outside the village.
24. Master has taught the Monster the sign-language to say ‘pull my finger.’
25. Master has, at any time, worked at a submolecular level using a Leatherman tool.
26. Master saved everyone from the mob of angry villagers with crowd control rodeo clowns.
27. Master’s lab coat is actually bib overalls.
28. Master’s lab coat is in cammo.
29. Master's plan for an experiment reminds you of a Three Stooges movie.
30. ... especially if he warns you not to repeat Curly's mistakes.
31. One clone booth is configured to act as a still.
32. Televangelist broadcasts play in the lab while he’s working.
33. The animation table doubles as a barbeque (and the lightning collector has a ‘Cajun’ setting).
34. The bell in the tower has been replaced. Pull the rope and the whole valley hears ‘Dixie’ on loudspeakers.
35. The castle ghost claims he isn’t dead, but merely sleepin’ off the hangover from the 1840s.
36. The castle has Christmas lights on the battlements in July.
37. ...especially if they're turned on.
38. The castle vehicle is a hearse with tires four feet across.
39. There are naked-corpse cutouts on the mud flaps of the hearse.
40. Igor knows what a bootlegger reverse is.
41. Double credit: The cemetery caretakers now know what a bootlegger reverse is.
42. The clone booths are John Deere green and yellow.
43. The colorful fluids bubbling in the beakers are destined for the rattlesnake chili.
44. The cook has a recipe for ‘hush werewolfies.’
45. The Doppelganger Machine has ever been repossessed.
46. The eyes in the portraits do not follow you around the castle, but you do hear something spit chaw into the spittoon as you pass.
47. The flesh-eating bacteria has a taste for catfish.
48. The gate has a doggy door big enough for dire wolves.
49. The lightning collector was built or repaired with coat hangers.
50. The moat is more of a swamp.
51. There’s no drawbridge, just put ‘er in four wheel drive and watch for gators.
52. The Monster has a belt buckle that says: Built For Lovin.’
53. The Monster has ever been repaired by the use of a siphon hose.
54. The Monster’s first words were to quote Paul Harvey.
55. The robot has the Stars and Bars embossed on his chest plate.
56. The sexy lab assistant has a NASCAR tattoo.
57. The taxidermist refuses to work on anything from the castle any more, mostly because of the faces.
58. The time machine has a gun rack.
59. There are ball caps perched on the bottles of the disembodied brains on Level Seven.
60. There are more than three experiments in progress connected to Kudzu.
61. There’s a UFO rusting on the lawn, next to an 18th century sedan chair and a two-man submarine on blocks.
62. There’s no great distinction made between medical waste and bait.
63. To get Igor to do anything in the lab, the order must start with ‘Dare Ya to...’
64. Master has ever warned you not to accept when Igor says: ‘Double Dare Ya…’
65. You’ve ever had to get the skunk smell off of the werewolf after a camping trip.
66. You’ve ever mistaken the mutants for Master’s relatives.
67. ...or the relatives have ever welcomed the mutants to the reunion.
68. Your beakers are really rusty beer cans (thanks to my youngest)
69. You've had to console the robot when his favorite wrestler lost a match.
The Mad Scientist might be a redneck if...
-
Manofevil
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 1687
- Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Why should I say? No one ever visits!
The Mad Scientist might be a redneck if...
Do us a favor Luv, Stick yer 'ead in a bucket a kick it!
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
-
Rotipher of the FoS
- Thieving Crow
- Posts: 4683
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2003 4:18 pm
Funny thing is, technically, one of the two archetypal "mad scientists" of the Core is a redneck. Frantisek Markov, despite the pretentious attitude he displays in "Neither Man Nor Beast", was originally a small-town Barovian hog butcher. 
"Who [u]cares[/u] what the Dark Powers are? They're [i]bastards![/i] That's all I need to know of them." -- Crow
Speaking of Wrasslin':
70. The Doctor must comfort Igor when the ROBOT loses a match.
71. The Monster takes a break from whacking on the Adventurers/Village mob to "Cut a Promo".
72. The Monster and Robot keep taking turns whacking on the Mob while the other one rests...neither will assist the other until the "TAG" is made.
73. The Doctor ANNOUNCES where his Robot and or Monster will strike next in order to "get a decent Booking".
74. The Sexy Lab Assistant wears as little as possible, distracts the Adventurers/Mob with her cleavage, and bonks the enemy with her shoes/a chair/talcum powder when nobody's watching.
75. The Doctor, Sexy Lab Assistant, Robot, Monster and Igor ALL have "Finishing Moves".
Hee, this is FUN... NEXT!!
70. The Doctor must comfort Igor when the ROBOT loses a match.
71. The Monster takes a break from whacking on the Adventurers/Village mob to "Cut a Promo".
72. The Monster and Robot keep taking turns whacking on the Mob while the other one rests...neither will assist the other until the "TAG" is made.
73. The Doctor ANNOUNCES where his Robot and or Monster will strike next in order to "get a decent Booking".
74. The Sexy Lab Assistant wears as little as possible, distracts the Adventurers/Mob with her cleavage, and bonks the enemy with her shoes/a chair/talcum powder when nobody's watching.
75. The Doctor, Sexy Lab Assistant, Robot, Monster and Igor ALL have "Finishing Moves".
Hee, this is FUN... NEXT!!
"And did she ever come out?"
"Not Yet".
"Not Yet".
-
Catman Jim
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 844
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:58 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Sunny Florida
Re: The Mad Scientist might be a redneck if...
Hey, I just bought a Leatherman multi-tool for my lab, mostly because I could get a nifty 'Gator Knife to go with it!Manofevil wrote:25. Master has, at any time, worked at a submolecular level using a Leatherman tool.
-
Manofevil
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 1687
- Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Why should I say? No one ever visits!
The original writer has run amok Here's what he just posted on the other site:
70. Tools purchased from WalMart are referred to as 'the good stuff.'
71. He wears mirrored sunglasses for all time-travel experiments.
72. Igor has ever used explosives for fishing.
73. Igor carries the 800 number for the American Trucking Institute, and considers that his 'backup
career.'
74. The castle or any portion of it qualifies as a double-wide.
75. Master has ever picked him self up from where the explosion dumped him and shouted: Yeeehaw!
76. The Monster has ever played 'Wrestlemania!' in the corridors.
77. Master has sent you to size the Monster for a bowling shirt.
78. When you, Master and Igor are moving body parts on three carts, anyone has said 'We got ourselves a
convoy.'
79. Master has ever shouted 'Ethel! Don't Look!' before opening a body bag.
80. ...especially if the sexy lab assistant is not named Ethel.
81. Master knows all the words to The Battle of New Orleans but can't tell you who the enemy was without
muttering the lyrics under his breath. "We fired our guns but the British kept...OH! The British!"
82. On one of those long nights working in the lab, Master has ever spent more than ten minutes comparing
Elvis to Jesus.
83. If the job application for lab interns includes a number line for the applicant's percentage
resemblance to Faith Hill.
84. Master's body odor has even been useful in containing an outbreak of zombies.
85. When Igor says 'Amen' there are more than three syllables in the word.
86. When Master mutters: 'Dear God, what have I created?' it's not a philosophical epiphany. It's the
morning after.
87. Master has worked to discover a cure for a shallow gene pool.
88. Master has ever stood at the gate and asked the approaching villagers if they 'want a piece of me?!'
89. The ominous background music that plays when the Monster escapes is 'Devil went down to Georgia.'
90. When Master says 'that's something man was never meant to know,' it's either because man really
shouldn't know that, or because Master failed that subject at Ol' Miss.
91. Master does not 'laugh in the face of Death' as much as he gets drunk with Death and ends up playing
chicken before the night's over.
92. When presenting his findings to his ivy-league brain-dead jealous dogmatic paranoid peers, he opens
with that joke about the Liberal and the Sheriff.
93. Igor refers to his radiation suit as his long-johns.
94. A hound dog is higher than you on the organization chart.
95. For that matter, the fact that a hound dog is ON the org chart...
96. Master's Inner Sanctum has a magazine rack and two-ply 'meditation paper.'
97. When discussing a name for The Monster, the fact that it was made with both girl and boy body parts
led you to suggest gender neutral names, like Bubba, Bobby Joe or Junior.
98. Research projects are graphed by the estimated number of Skoal cans it will take to complete.
99. ...so by the time the Monster was conceived, designed, built, animated and presented to so-called peer
review by the laughingly obtuse and shortsighted men of science that have plagued Master’s work for
decades, Master had a plaque in his honor on the lobby wall of the U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company.
100. Master’s efforts to clone local wildlife into a supercreature (or supercritter) are hampered by the
fact that they all have longer legs on their downhill side.
101. At least one device, the very existance of which bespeaks godlike hubris in the manipulation of
unhallowed and life-threatening forces, the very knowledge of which should earn the maker the approbation
of all mankind, did they but know what he was tampering with, sits out back of the castle, among weeds,
with a rusty chain around the door so kids won’t play it in.
102. Master was disappointed to discover the actual events that take place at a Monster Truck Rally.
103. ...so he organized one of his own, involving monsters AND trucks.
104. ...and the village sent him a ‘cease and desist’ order.
105. Any of Master’s research proposals were inspired by a Jerry Springer episode.
106. “Dueling Banjos” makes Igor run screaming from the room.
107. The way to get the Monster to come back is to play Dolly Parton music on the outside speakers.
108. Master’s Jekyll/Hyde-like formula merely alternates his tastes between Country and Western. Don’t
feel bad if you never noticed.
109. Master’s map of the hollow interior of the Earth is color indexed to indicate what surface brands the
natives’ beers most resemble.
110. …and the Pabst Blue Ribbon nation is deemed the highest civilization.
111. Master leases a hunting lodge on The Island of Dr. Moreau.
112. Igor has corrupted the clean-cut Hero by teaching him how to tip cows.
113. The written plan for World Domination kinda peters out after the scheduled fall of Branson, MO. A few
notes about Atlanta, immigrants and Moon Pies are penciled in on the last page.
114. If anyone has ever figured out the code for the Inner Sanctum by noting the touchpad keys with
ketchup on them.
115. The Artificial Intelligence can beat Master at Chess, but loses to Igor at mud wrestling.
116. Master’s brilliant but fickle offspring don’t fight over being the intellectual heir to the Master’s
genius, but over who gets the 4x4 hearse when he dies.
117. Master never accepts a challenge from the strong-chinned Hero...unless it’s a tractor pull.
118. Igor thinks that having devices ‘up to code’ means that you can bang on them in Morse. This is why
none of the conduits in the dungeon are ‘up to code.’
119. Master uses digital timing, because he hates having to ‘perform the calculations’ to read the hands
on the face of a clock.
120. The castle has a porch.
121. The den furniture is made of road signs nailed to the spools that held the lightning collector’s
cables.
122. You’ve ever argued with Igor over whether it’s flea powder then tick powder or the other way around.
123. Master’s last submission to peer review in the field of Astronomy has been classified as hate
literature.
124. If anything has escaped the lab, dungeon or waiting room and the village dog catcher has formally
deputized you to help catch it.
125. Master has sold a failed experiment to a circus side show, then the next day sent you to retrieve his
nephew who was just in the wrong cage at the wrong time.
126. You’ve ever taken something fished out of the time stream to the pawn shop to fund an experiment.
127. When Master taught Igor to play chess, the knight’s move was described as ‘up one and over yonder.’
128. The hot water heater rusted through and no one noticed for a month.
129. Any of the sexy lab interns have walked across the valley to the truckstop to use the showers because
of cleanliness, privacy or quality of the soap.
130. Igor never argues about "Do we have the right to do this?" merely questions, "Do we have the
firepower on hand to stop it when it all goes to hell?"
131. Master has every played mumbly-peg with a scalpel.
132. Master goes to his family reunion to recruit sexy lab assistants.
133. Master’s idea of a ‘software problem’ is whipping Igor in a sensitive spot.
134. The Artificial Intelligence sings ‘Georgia On My Mind’ when power is pulled.
135. The dimension-traveling elevator has a roll bar.
136. …and tail fins.
137. …and a racing stripe.
138. You can still see the Invisible Man’s tattoos.
139. It just isn’t Christmas Eve until the drunken attempt to shoot Santa’s Sleigh with the Laser.
140. Igor has used the time machine to artificially age moonshine.
141. ...but only by a week.
142. Sex lab assistant uniforms include cut-offs, cowboy boots and/or tube tops.
143. Anything in the den was picked up from the curb by someone else’s house.
144. His automated weapons system has settings for Federal, State and Yankee.
145. You only had to exhume three bodies to get all the Monster’s limbs, but dug up twenty graves before
you had enough teeth.
146. The face shield Master uses to mix chemicals has tobacco stains on the inside.
147. Master punctuated shouts of ‘it’s alive!’ by firing a shotgun into the air.
148. Hiring of the sexy lab assistant involved a wet t-shirt contest.
150. If the master has shouted "The South Will Rise Again" when he flips the switch to animate the Monster
151. Igor upon command is forced to sing Willie Nelson songs.
152. The monster has a old dixie flag tatoo done post-mortum.
153. The monster is created from parts bought at the local Piggly Wiggly.
154. Master's mode of transportation is nicknamed "The General Lee", all of them.
155. Master has ever lectured to you about the nutritional benefits of beer.
156. A visitor said there were too many mounted squirrels in the trophy room and Master harvested their organs out of spite.
157. Master has spent an hour explaining that the root word of ‘vegetarian’ is Latin for ‘Lousy Hunter.’ With references.
158. After the Monster has been on a rampage, Master sends Igor out to repair broken buildings with duct tape.
159. Master likes MacGuyver’s ingenuity, but doesn’t understand his no-guns stance.
160. At least one animal in the castle is named after a scientist and a civil war general. (“Here, Stonewall Curie!” “Beauregard Einstein, get off the sofa!”)
161. Master introduces people not by name, but by the college they attended (“This is my Clemson friend…”).
162. …Double credit if he refers to the college by the football team (“And our Gator lab assistant, here…”).
163. You've had to fashion a sweater for the man-eating plant because there’s a wind chill factor in the greenhouse.
164. Igor has calculated the value of the cook’s chili’s contribution to the eventual heat death of the universe.
165. The Tesla coil has a trailer hitch.
166. The disembodied voice that used to say ‘get out!’ now says ‘get ‘er done!’
167. Decanted clones already have a tattoo.
168. …Double irony if the tattoo refers to ‘mom.’
169. The AI does not explode when given logical paradoxes to solve. It does crackle a bit, though, when Democratic press conferences are aired.
170. There are no kidnapped scientists slaving away in the lab; but Emeril Lagasse is chained to the stove...
171. The HAZMAT containment kit is a burlap sack with Howard Johnson towels in it.
172. Master began designing his doomsday device the day he learned that hot sauce can cause nerve damage.
173. You've had to rebuild the Robot because of what happened to it after it shouted, 'Y'all watch this!'
174. …Double credit if the Robot is actually programmed to use 'Y'all.'
175. ...Triple credit if it was not programmed that way, but picked it up after its initial bootstrapping.
176. Duct tape across the floor divides the castle into the Monster's side and the living-brain-in-a-jar's side.
177. The Monster turns out to have a cow's tongue (which means that what the cook served on the night you assembled the Monster's head was... eugh!).
178. Igor adjusts the knobs on the teleportation device with pliers.
179. Igor doesn’t watch Hollywood Squares because he forgets the rules for tic-tac-toe.
180. Igor has to play Master’s Theme Music before he enters the ring…I mean, the Laboratory.
181. Instead of splitting the item in half, Master's last property settlement involved a wood chipper and a mesh net.
182. Master and Igor both were amazed when you used the photocopier to copy paper...no body parts involved.
183. Master and the living-brain-in-a-jar have ever taken a personal problem onto daytime television.
184. Master confused his wife's part-time job as a travel agent with a job as a time-travel agent and tried to arrange a trip to the Flintstones.
185. Master has ever dialed 911 because of a childproof cap.
186. Master would rather be a guest on Jerry Springer than printed in Scientific American.
187. Master Junior's last choice for show-and-tell came from the lab and led to phone calls from ASPCA, CDC, and BATF.
188. ...and Fox called about a reality show based on the event.
189. Master’s idea of compressing files on the hard drive involves a hammer.
190. Master's biosphere project fell apart when it, well, fell apart.
191. The beer can pyramid is just a scale model of the chemical barrel pyramid out back.
192. The living-brain-in-a-jar's tattoo is misspelled.
193. The North Tower doubles as a smoker.
194. The Robot holds villagers over the dam until they buy Amway merchandise.
195. The sexy lab assistant files everything under K or D: Know what it is; Don't know what it is.
196. The stained glass window in the chapel shows dogs playing poker.
197. Anyone in the castle has been on “Cops.”
198. …Double credit if their face wasn’t digitally masked.
199. Eschewing the classic skull-shaped castle, Master has had plans drawn up for a citadel that resembles a keg.
200. Igor has a t-shirt that says: “If you see me running from a burning castle, try to keep up.”
201. Master has a t-shirt that says “If I wanted your opinion, I’d offer you alcohol.”
202. The Invisible Man has a t-shirt that says “If you can see this, you’re using thermal imaging. And ain’t you a smart one.”
203. The living-brain-in-a-jar has a sticker that says: “My son and my cadaver go to University of Alabama.”
204. The sexy lab assistant has a t-shirt that says “If you take me hostage, you’re kidnapping Smith and Wesson, too.”
205. The Vampire’s crypt has a bumper sticker that says: “My human servant beat up your human servant.”
206. The Monster’s boots are labeled: Left foot and Stomp Foot.
207. …double credit if the left boot is the one labeled ‘Stomp Foot.’
208. …which explains the casualty count the night the Monster went line dancing.
209. Igor has used the lab to bring his coonskin cap back to life.
210. Igor or the Monster have used the gas chromatography equipment to analyze their farts.
211. Master had the sexy lab assistant beef up his ‘my evil plan’ speech because heroes kept laughing at ‘I’m a-gonna ______ the whole entire world!’
212. Master has a feud going with the evil genius over t’ next valley.
213. Master has invented a 12-gauge can opener.
214. Master has invented a key ring that automatically clears ear wax from the keys.
215. Master has shouted ‘Ride It, Hoss!’ when Igor touched a power supply that was still plugged in.
216. Master thinks an HTML Link is part of a chain made of High Tensile Martensite Laminated steel.
217. Master tinkers with A-bombs because H-bombs are farther into the alphabet than he’s ever managed.
218. Master’s ringtone is a Jeff Foxworthy one-liner.
219. Neighbors who don’t call in noise complaints for the explosions, screeches, maniacal laughter or lightning blasts, call when Igor guns the hearse’s engine.
220. The 80-room, six-story, four-towered, dressed-stone, gas-lit, coal-furnaced castle has a chain-link fence surrounding the grounds.
221. …double credit if the fence is chicken wire.
222. The AI has been involved in a paternity suit.
223. …and now pays child support for a PDA named Junior.
224. The autoclave has been used to make gumbo.
225. The clones have joined Amway, because they calculate that pyramid schemes will work as long as you occupy all the levels.
226. The living-brain-in-a-jar has called a psychic hotline.
227. The sexy lab assistant can burp the periodic table.
70. Tools purchased from WalMart are referred to as 'the good stuff.'
71. He wears mirrored sunglasses for all time-travel experiments.
72. Igor has ever used explosives for fishing.
73. Igor carries the 800 number for the American Trucking Institute, and considers that his 'backup
career.'
74. The castle or any portion of it qualifies as a double-wide.
75. Master has ever picked him self up from where the explosion dumped him and shouted: Yeeehaw!
76. The Monster has ever played 'Wrestlemania!' in the corridors.
77. Master has sent you to size the Monster for a bowling shirt.
78. When you, Master and Igor are moving body parts on three carts, anyone has said 'We got ourselves a
convoy.'
79. Master has ever shouted 'Ethel! Don't Look!' before opening a body bag.
80. ...especially if the sexy lab assistant is not named Ethel.
81. Master knows all the words to The Battle of New Orleans but can't tell you who the enemy was without
muttering the lyrics under his breath. "We fired our guns but the British kept...OH! The British!"
82. On one of those long nights working in the lab, Master has ever spent more than ten minutes comparing
Elvis to Jesus.
83. If the job application for lab interns includes a number line for the applicant's percentage
resemblance to Faith Hill.
84. Master's body odor has even been useful in containing an outbreak of zombies.
85. When Igor says 'Amen' there are more than three syllables in the word.
86. When Master mutters: 'Dear God, what have I created?' it's not a philosophical epiphany. It's the
morning after.
87. Master has worked to discover a cure for a shallow gene pool.
88. Master has ever stood at the gate and asked the approaching villagers if they 'want a piece of me?!'
89. The ominous background music that plays when the Monster escapes is 'Devil went down to Georgia.'
90. When Master says 'that's something man was never meant to know,' it's either because man really
shouldn't know that, or because Master failed that subject at Ol' Miss.
91. Master does not 'laugh in the face of Death' as much as he gets drunk with Death and ends up playing
chicken before the night's over.
92. When presenting his findings to his ivy-league brain-dead jealous dogmatic paranoid peers, he opens
with that joke about the Liberal and the Sheriff.
93. Igor refers to his radiation suit as his long-johns.
94. A hound dog is higher than you on the organization chart.
95. For that matter, the fact that a hound dog is ON the org chart...
96. Master's Inner Sanctum has a magazine rack and two-ply 'meditation paper.'
97. When discussing a name for The Monster, the fact that it was made with both girl and boy body parts
led you to suggest gender neutral names, like Bubba, Bobby Joe or Junior.
98. Research projects are graphed by the estimated number of Skoal cans it will take to complete.
99. ...so by the time the Monster was conceived, designed, built, animated and presented to so-called peer
review by the laughingly obtuse and shortsighted men of science that have plagued Master’s work for
decades, Master had a plaque in his honor on the lobby wall of the U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company.
100. Master’s efforts to clone local wildlife into a supercreature (or supercritter) are hampered by the
fact that they all have longer legs on their downhill side.
101. At least one device, the very existance of which bespeaks godlike hubris in the manipulation of
unhallowed and life-threatening forces, the very knowledge of which should earn the maker the approbation
of all mankind, did they but know what he was tampering with, sits out back of the castle, among weeds,
with a rusty chain around the door so kids won’t play it in.
102. Master was disappointed to discover the actual events that take place at a Monster Truck Rally.
103. ...so he organized one of his own, involving monsters AND trucks.
104. ...and the village sent him a ‘cease and desist’ order.
105. Any of Master’s research proposals were inspired by a Jerry Springer episode.
106. “Dueling Banjos” makes Igor run screaming from the room.
107. The way to get the Monster to come back is to play Dolly Parton music on the outside speakers.
108. Master’s Jekyll/Hyde-like formula merely alternates his tastes between Country and Western. Don’t
feel bad if you never noticed.
109. Master’s map of the hollow interior of the Earth is color indexed to indicate what surface brands the
natives’ beers most resemble.
110. …and the Pabst Blue Ribbon nation is deemed the highest civilization.
111. Master leases a hunting lodge on The Island of Dr. Moreau.
112. Igor has corrupted the clean-cut Hero by teaching him how to tip cows.
113. The written plan for World Domination kinda peters out after the scheduled fall of Branson, MO. A few
notes about Atlanta, immigrants and Moon Pies are penciled in on the last page.
114. If anyone has ever figured out the code for the Inner Sanctum by noting the touchpad keys with
ketchup on them.
115. The Artificial Intelligence can beat Master at Chess, but loses to Igor at mud wrestling.
116. Master’s brilliant but fickle offspring don’t fight over being the intellectual heir to the Master’s
genius, but over who gets the 4x4 hearse when he dies.
117. Master never accepts a challenge from the strong-chinned Hero...unless it’s a tractor pull.
118. Igor thinks that having devices ‘up to code’ means that you can bang on them in Morse. This is why
none of the conduits in the dungeon are ‘up to code.’
119. Master uses digital timing, because he hates having to ‘perform the calculations’ to read the hands
on the face of a clock.
120. The castle has a porch.
121. The den furniture is made of road signs nailed to the spools that held the lightning collector’s
cables.
122. You’ve ever argued with Igor over whether it’s flea powder then tick powder or the other way around.
123. Master’s last submission to peer review in the field of Astronomy has been classified as hate
literature.
124. If anything has escaped the lab, dungeon or waiting room and the village dog catcher has formally
deputized you to help catch it.
125. Master has sold a failed experiment to a circus side show, then the next day sent you to retrieve his
nephew who was just in the wrong cage at the wrong time.
126. You’ve ever taken something fished out of the time stream to the pawn shop to fund an experiment.
127. When Master taught Igor to play chess, the knight’s move was described as ‘up one and over yonder.’
128. The hot water heater rusted through and no one noticed for a month.
129. Any of the sexy lab interns have walked across the valley to the truckstop to use the showers because
of cleanliness, privacy or quality of the soap.
130. Igor never argues about "Do we have the right to do this?" merely questions, "Do we have the
firepower on hand to stop it when it all goes to hell?"
131. Master has every played mumbly-peg with a scalpel.
132. Master goes to his family reunion to recruit sexy lab assistants.
133. Master’s idea of a ‘software problem’ is whipping Igor in a sensitive spot.
134. The Artificial Intelligence sings ‘Georgia On My Mind’ when power is pulled.
135. The dimension-traveling elevator has a roll bar.
136. …and tail fins.
137. …and a racing stripe.
138. You can still see the Invisible Man’s tattoos.
139. It just isn’t Christmas Eve until the drunken attempt to shoot Santa’s Sleigh with the Laser.
140. Igor has used the time machine to artificially age moonshine.
141. ...but only by a week.
142. Sex lab assistant uniforms include cut-offs, cowboy boots and/or tube tops.
143. Anything in the den was picked up from the curb by someone else’s house.
144. His automated weapons system has settings for Federal, State and Yankee.
145. You only had to exhume three bodies to get all the Monster’s limbs, but dug up twenty graves before
you had enough teeth.
146. The face shield Master uses to mix chemicals has tobacco stains on the inside.
147. Master punctuated shouts of ‘it’s alive!’ by firing a shotgun into the air.
148. Hiring of the sexy lab assistant involved a wet t-shirt contest.
150. If the master has shouted "The South Will Rise Again" when he flips the switch to animate the Monster
151. Igor upon command is forced to sing Willie Nelson songs.
152. The monster has a old dixie flag tatoo done post-mortum.
153. The monster is created from parts bought at the local Piggly Wiggly.
154. Master's mode of transportation is nicknamed "The General Lee", all of them.
155. Master has ever lectured to you about the nutritional benefits of beer.
156. A visitor said there were too many mounted squirrels in the trophy room and Master harvested their organs out of spite.
157. Master has spent an hour explaining that the root word of ‘vegetarian’ is Latin for ‘Lousy Hunter.’ With references.
158. After the Monster has been on a rampage, Master sends Igor out to repair broken buildings with duct tape.
159. Master likes MacGuyver’s ingenuity, but doesn’t understand his no-guns stance.
160. At least one animal in the castle is named after a scientist and a civil war general. (“Here, Stonewall Curie!” “Beauregard Einstein, get off the sofa!”)
161. Master introduces people not by name, but by the college they attended (“This is my Clemson friend…”).
162. …Double credit if he refers to the college by the football team (“And our Gator lab assistant, here…”).
163. You've had to fashion a sweater for the man-eating plant because there’s a wind chill factor in the greenhouse.
164. Igor has calculated the value of the cook’s chili’s contribution to the eventual heat death of the universe.
165. The Tesla coil has a trailer hitch.
166. The disembodied voice that used to say ‘get out!’ now says ‘get ‘er done!’
167. Decanted clones already have a tattoo.
168. …Double irony if the tattoo refers to ‘mom.’
169. The AI does not explode when given logical paradoxes to solve. It does crackle a bit, though, when Democratic press conferences are aired.
170. There are no kidnapped scientists slaving away in the lab; but Emeril Lagasse is chained to the stove...
171. The HAZMAT containment kit is a burlap sack with Howard Johnson towels in it.
172. Master began designing his doomsday device the day he learned that hot sauce can cause nerve damage.
173. You've had to rebuild the Robot because of what happened to it after it shouted, 'Y'all watch this!'
174. …Double credit if the Robot is actually programmed to use 'Y'all.'
175. ...Triple credit if it was not programmed that way, but picked it up after its initial bootstrapping.
176. Duct tape across the floor divides the castle into the Monster's side and the living-brain-in-a-jar's side.
177. The Monster turns out to have a cow's tongue (which means that what the cook served on the night you assembled the Monster's head was... eugh!).
178. Igor adjusts the knobs on the teleportation device with pliers.
179. Igor doesn’t watch Hollywood Squares because he forgets the rules for tic-tac-toe.
180. Igor has to play Master’s Theme Music before he enters the ring…I mean, the Laboratory.
181. Instead of splitting the item in half, Master's last property settlement involved a wood chipper and a mesh net.
182. Master and Igor both were amazed when you used the photocopier to copy paper...no body parts involved.
183. Master and the living-brain-in-a-jar have ever taken a personal problem onto daytime television.
184. Master confused his wife's part-time job as a travel agent with a job as a time-travel agent and tried to arrange a trip to the Flintstones.
185. Master has ever dialed 911 because of a childproof cap.
186. Master would rather be a guest on Jerry Springer than printed in Scientific American.
187. Master Junior's last choice for show-and-tell came from the lab and led to phone calls from ASPCA, CDC, and BATF.
188. ...and Fox called about a reality show based on the event.
189. Master’s idea of compressing files on the hard drive involves a hammer.
190. Master's biosphere project fell apart when it, well, fell apart.
191. The beer can pyramid is just a scale model of the chemical barrel pyramid out back.
192. The living-brain-in-a-jar's tattoo is misspelled.
193. The North Tower doubles as a smoker.
194. The Robot holds villagers over the dam until they buy Amway merchandise.
195. The sexy lab assistant files everything under K or D: Know what it is; Don't know what it is.
196. The stained glass window in the chapel shows dogs playing poker.
197. Anyone in the castle has been on “Cops.”
198. …Double credit if their face wasn’t digitally masked.
199. Eschewing the classic skull-shaped castle, Master has had plans drawn up for a citadel that resembles a keg.
200. Igor has a t-shirt that says: “If you see me running from a burning castle, try to keep up.”
201. Master has a t-shirt that says “If I wanted your opinion, I’d offer you alcohol.”
202. The Invisible Man has a t-shirt that says “If you can see this, you’re using thermal imaging. And ain’t you a smart one.”
203. The living-brain-in-a-jar has a sticker that says: “My son and my cadaver go to University of Alabama.”
204. The sexy lab assistant has a t-shirt that says “If you take me hostage, you’re kidnapping Smith and Wesson, too.”
205. The Vampire’s crypt has a bumper sticker that says: “My human servant beat up your human servant.”
206. The Monster’s boots are labeled: Left foot and Stomp Foot.
207. …double credit if the left boot is the one labeled ‘Stomp Foot.’
208. …which explains the casualty count the night the Monster went line dancing.
209. Igor has used the lab to bring his coonskin cap back to life.
210. Igor or the Monster have used the gas chromatography equipment to analyze their farts.
211. Master had the sexy lab assistant beef up his ‘my evil plan’ speech because heroes kept laughing at ‘I’m a-gonna ______ the whole entire world!’
212. Master has a feud going with the evil genius over t’ next valley.
213. Master has invented a 12-gauge can opener.
214. Master has invented a key ring that automatically clears ear wax from the keys.
215. Master has shouted ‘Ride It, Hoss!’ when Igor touched a power supply that was still plugged in.
216. Master thinks an HTML Link is part of a chain made of High Tensile Martensite Laminated steel.
217. Master tinkers with A-bombs because H-bombs are farther into the alphabet than he’s ever managed.
218. Master’s ringtone is a Jeff Foxworthy one-liner.
219. Neighbors who don’t call in noise complaints for the explosions, screeches, maniacal laughter or lightning blasts, call when Igor guns the hearse’s engine.
220. The 80-room, six-story, four-towered, dressed-stone, gas-lit, coal-furnaced castle has a chain-link fence surrounding the grounds.
221. …double credit if the fence is chicken wire.
222. The AI has been involved in a paternity suit.
223. …and now pays child support for a PDA named Junior.
224. The autoclave has been used to make gumbo.
225. The clones have joined Amway, because they calculate that pyramid schemes will work as long as you occupy all the levels.
226. The living-brain-in-a-jar has called a psychic hotline.
227. The sexy lab assistant can burp the periodic table.
Do us a favor Luv, Stick yer 'ead in a bucket a kick it!
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
I wouldn't say amok, really. Only 213, the same number as things Skippy can't do in the Army anymore.The original writer has run amok
order99: Those are good, what i can understand of them. What manofevil failed to mention was that the list: The Mad Scientist might be a redneck if... is open to contributions.
You're more than welcome to add yours to it: Here.
Looking forward to your contributions!
-
alhoon
- Invisible Menace
- Posts: 8819
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:46 pm
- Location: Chania or Athens // Greece
Hey, we should inform Igor about that!
"You truly see what a person is made of, when you begin to slice into them" - Semirhage
"I am not mad, no matter what you're implying." - Litalia
My DMGuild work!
"I am not mad, no matter what you're implying." - Litalia
My DMGuild work!