A problem

[Desertrising]

I recently started a new Ravenloft campaign and have encountered a slight problem. Before I go into the problem however I feel it only fair to explain how the problem came about.

I own a local game store and have been working on encouraging females to become more involved in gaming. This has had some success and I was delighted when one asked to join one of my campaigns. At the time I was only running one and had no room, however I had been working on a Ravenloft campaign and decided to start it.

This girl is friends with one of the other people who I invited into the game, and without discussing it they created a character for her. It is a Dampheir (spelling?) and has a lot of abilities but the draw back of needing blood.

I had no problem with the character, and her back story was beautiful. However a problem has been occuring that anytime her dominate SA does not work she gets angry. Now this would not be a big idea but in my campaign they are currently in Dementlieu and one of thier adversaries has dominate as well. You can already see where the problem is coming from. Anytime a bad guy is able to do something she can do she pouts and yells at me. With anyone else I would of already asked them to quit playing in my game, however because I am trying to encourage the female gamer contingent I feel that asking her to leave the game would be detremental to the store.

I gues my question is this, should I allow her to do whatever she wants or should I be a good DM and create a challenging adventure? Please let me know as I am at a loss as how to best deal with this problem.

[mistshadow2k4]

The correct spelling is dampyr or damphyr. Despite what you heard if you saw the move Blood Rayne, it is pronounced "dawm-peer" or "dawm-pyeer".

As to your problem, I think you should ask her to leave the game if she refuses to listen to reason. If you don't you may actually discourage other gamers, females among them, who will think that they will have to put up with disruptive players.

As a female gamer myself, I once had a problem with another female gamer; she was rude, arrogant, insulting and her character was constantly trying to order my character about. Our DM tolerated her doing this mostly because he didn't want to be seen as discriminating against female gamers. But the fact was, we stopped playing that campaign, and D&D a while as well, just because of her.

Trust me on this, you're not doing any of your other gamers -- of either sex -- any favors by putting up with her. They have to put up with her too, even if you're the one she was fighting with. All that time you're having to deal with her they may well feel as if you're neglecting them.

I advise you to tell her what she's doing wrong, ask her to quit it, and if she still does it, then ask her to leave. When you're rid of her, explain to the other gamers that you want to encourage them to play and have fun, but you won't put up with behavior like that. Be sure to tell them also if they have a legitimate beef to be sure to bring it up, but please do so in a civilized manner. I know, this a lot easier said than done, but I think you're going to have to stand up to her, no matter how unpleasant it is.

[Mangrum]

The less strident version of that is simply: Take her aside and privately explain that her character's dominate ability won't always work, just as a fighter won't hit with every attack or a how foe's saving throw will sometimes foil a wizard's spells. Assure her that opportunities will arise when she'll get to use her abilities to the fullest, but in the meantime, you think she's being disruptive, and ask her to understand your point of view.

[BigBadQDaddy]

The less strident version of that is simply: Take her aside and privately explain that her character's dominate ability won't always work, just as a fighter won't hit with every attack or a how foe's saving throw will sometimes foil a wizard's spells. Assure her that opportunities will arise when she'll get to use her abilities to the fullest, but in the meantime, you think she's being disruptive, and ask her to understand your point of view.

I agree with that, Another approach would be to explain to her that she is being disruptive and You don't tolerate that from any other PC and won't tolerate it from her.
The Game is always bigger than one player, and hey look at it like this: I am sure with that attitude, she has plenty of female enemies, recruit them for your games, lol jk.

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Another thing to point out, when you speak to her, is that she shouldn't be offended or jealous when a villain uses a power similar to her PC's. It's not "unfair" to let an NPC do such a thing, any more than it'd be "unfair" for a villain who's a fighter to wield a sword if another PC uses one. And the fact her powers aren't always successful isn't a snub against her; it's a part of the same game-rules that ensure her PC is allowed the hope of remaining free-willed, when an enemy tries to control her mind.

Instead of leaving her to assume you've chosen a mind-controlling villain purely to steal her PC's thunder, point out that the situation -- one mind-controller against another -- is a classic type of rivalry: which dominator is the more cunning, able to out-think the other? Encourage her to see this villain as a special challenge for her ingenuity, and a chance to show off her PC's expertise (who'd know better how to defeat a mind-controller than another mind-controller?), rather than as a thoughtless DM's way to make the PC's ability look inferior to the villain's (as she might wrongly assume).

[Faust]

Honestly what`s the importance of the sex of the player? A bad player is a bad player. I think its unfair that you accept a bad comportement from a player only because she is a female. It's incredibly sexist and unfair for the other players.

[Desertrising]

Faust, I can definantly understand your point. I too feel that I have been a bit on the sexist part. However please understand that the reason the sex of the player is important in this particular instance, is because the game store I run could benefit greatly if more women would spend money at it. So I want to avoid hurting this player and customer if possible in order to encourage it. However I am coming to the conclusion that I am going to have to treat her as I would any other player and hope it all works out.

I did speak with her some yesterday and she agrees that she shouldn't get upset when a villian wins. So we will see how it goes. I did tell her that with any other player I would of asked them to stop or leave long ago, and she appologized and asked for another chance.

Anyway I appreciate the boards advice on this matter and as always am well pleased with all the responses.

[wolfgang_fener]

Glad to see you resolved this problem.

Somehow I have always found it difficult to play RPGs with women. Most eventually take it all too personal. I had one female player in a 6 years long campaign and that was often a pain but still, she was adding some kind of balance to the game that no male players could provide so we all tolerated her once in a month outbursts of cry, rage or bad temper. She also had previous gaming experience so it was a bonus. After all she was playing a quite lunatic and sensitive elven enchanteress (bitch! ) so it was not completely out of character.

Right now my situation is even worse. Two of my 3 players are females, one is my girlfriend and the other is the other player's girlfriend. Both girls have 0 or near 0 gaming experience. Ho the pain !

But for a Ravenloft game, it's great because they are easy to scare

[wolfgang_fener]

Now that I have some more time to provide a more usefull reply, I recommand to keep the character creation simple with new players. Even if they have previous gaming experience, if you don't know how they can play, suggest them to create a relatively simple character first. Later on, if they don't like their pc, you can always find some horrible ways to get rid of it and let the player build another one, maybe more complex this time.

Doing this will avoid bad surprises and this is true for players of both sex.

It is also better to let weirds and very complex characters to experienced players. Most newbies are better at playing characters that are closer to their own personality (unless the player is an actor in real life or something like that of course).

Another simple statement I often reminds my players of is that the goal is to create a great story that would make a great movie TOGETHER. It is not about the DM vs the players or about trying to become the main character against the others. Often the main character is far from being the most powerful or charismatic one (think about Frodo in LOTR, he's a whimpy, scared hobbit).

Instead of focusing on their character's most powerful hability, some player should pass more time focusing on their character's main flaw...


Ho, and I understand your marketing agenda but don't forget to have fun playing

[Jennifer]

Hey guys and girls
Good to hear that you resolved your trouble with this gamer. Don't accept things from her you would not accept from others.

It is indeed a good idea to start with simple characters for new gamers. and give them something to focus their character on.

Jennifer

[alhoon]

Thread Hijacking:

My sister is a D&D player for 14 years.

end of hijacking

Desertrising,

It is good that she asked for "another chance". She enjoys your game and she doesn't want to be thrown out.
It is a good thing she understood and will try to change. However please note that a person doesn't change with a blink of the eye. She seems to be willing to change, help her achieve it. I think she will learn to behave herself in a few sessions, but in the meantime, she will perhaps make a few mistakes.

Don't make her feel like Damoclian sword is hanging above her head. If she steps out of her place again, remind her that she is misbehaving, but don't throw her out.
I don't suggest you forgive anything again, just be patient. Don't forget to remind her when she is wrong however as this takes away the lesson. I would suggest that you talk a moment with her before the next session and tell her that you expect a better behavior of her, but won't throw her out with a single mistake.

[Archedius]

Alhoon is right. I have found that players that are willing to change can become excellent roleplayers. A parallel is that converts to a religion can sometimes be more enthusiastic about it than those born into it. Keep her around, she'll be worth it.

[wolfgang_fener]

I always get excellent results using bonus XP awards (given after each game sessions with explanations) for good roleplaying and good attitude. Since the goal #1 in my games is to make a great story together, it is normal for me to award extra XP to those who make special efforts toward that goal.

[Jester of the FoS]

My fiancee games (now) and there at least 3 other regular women at my gaming club. So they're not unknown.

And don't be afraid to let them have an easy victory sometimes. Just as the fighter should hit sometimes, there should be the occasional person that gets dominated. Juat play fair by all and let it be known there are no favourites (and be sure NOT to have favourites of course...)