A High Class of Esoteric Dream
I was late for work yesterday because I had such an amazing dream that I refused to wake up and disturb it.
In my dream, my house had gotten a makeover and it was now awesome. There was a swimming pool in the back yard, a new attic office with skylights in the roof, futons and couches in every bedroom, and a sauna in the basement. The kitchen extractor fan was a heavy-duty thing that exhausted directly out the roof, and the sun room finally had the intended two grand pianos in it. My bedroom had a TV in it and an air ionizer.
It was glorious.
Then I woke up and felt immediately very sad that my current house did not have all those cool things in it.
Then I immediately felt very sad that the best dreams I have these days are about home improvement :/
Real life fear/horror/madness
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Zettaijin
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 667
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
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- Location: Himeji, Japan
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
I started reading this post from the bottom and almost stopped, thinking you were describing some odd slash fiction dream featuring Tim Allen and that guy who played the beardo.HuManBing wrote:A High Class of Esoteric Dream
Then I immediately felt very sad that the best dreams I have these days are about home improvement :/
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
The moon
I'm driving along a road at night with a friend in my car. Ahead of us is the highway, and a very large opulent Christian church in the distance. As we drive closer, the church grows larger in our vision.
Suddenly, I lurch my car to the right. "Holy crap, I MUST MERGE RIGHT!!!" I shout.
My friend hangs on, startled. "Why? What's up?" he asks.
I point ahead at the moon. "Wait for it..." I say.
We draw closer still to the church. The moon is a thin sickle-crescent in the sky. In the rightmost lane of the highway, we watch as the church grows until finally the crescent moon touches the topmost spire, as if resting on it.
We look at each other and high-five and shout
I'm driving along a road at night with a friend in my car. Ahead of us is the highway, and a very large opulent Christian church in the distance. As we drive closer, the church grows larger in our vision.
Suddenly, I lurch my car to the right. "Holy crap, I MUST MERGE RIGHT!!!" I shout.
My friend hangs on, startled. "Why? What's up?" he asks.
I point ahead at the moon. "Wait for it..." I say.
We draw closer still to the church. The moon is a thin sickle-crescent in the sky. In the rightmost lane of the highway, we watch as the church grows until finally the crescent moon touches the topmost spire, as if resting on it.
We look at each other and high-five and shout
Insh'Allah!!!
Then we feel slightly silly but still awesome.Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
At my last workplace, I gave a coworker a quiz about animals.
Three of the answers were insects.
My coworker immediately said "Those are insects, not animals."
I responded to her "Insects are animals, you know."
She said "I don't think anybody would consider insects to be animals."
I thought this was a bold statement. I went around the room and asked my coworkers if they consider insects to be animals.
Out of a room of nine lawyers (i.e., all of us have undergraduate degrees, at least one postgraduate degree, and we have all passed the bar exam), only two people thought insects were animals. I was one of them. Everybody else responded that insects are not animals.
In big font, to get the awe-inspiring stupidity of the situation across for the visually-oriented among us:
...there is a reason I don't work there anymore.
Three of the answers were insects.
My coworker immediately said "Those are insects, not animals."
I responded to her "Insects are animals, you know."
She said "I don't think anybody would consider insects to be animals."
I thought this was a bold statement. I went around the room and asked my coworkers if they consider insects to be animals.
Out of a room of nine lawyers (i.e., all of us have undergraduate degrees, at least one postgraduate degree, and we have all passed the bar exam), only two people thought insects were animals. I was one of them. Everybody else responded that insects are not animals.
In big font, to get the awe-inspiring stupidity of the situation across for the visually-oriented among us:
Seven out of nine of the lawyers in my workplace did not realize that insects are indeed animals. What is wrong with these people. Did they not take basic biology in high school. Damn it.
My response:...there is a reason I don't work there anymore.
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Mapless In The Matriarchy
One time in my teens, my brother and I went to visit a matriarchy in southwestern China. They're one of the "56 ethnic minorities" categorized by the Chinese government, and they receive additional aid and support if they allow some degree of cultural tourism to outsiders.
We were warned not to use terms like "father", "brother", or "husband" in the area because the female-dominated culture would view it as offensive. We were also told as men to stay in the visitors' areas, or to stay with outsider females if we ventured into the tribal areas, because a man wandering alone would receive a stern admonition to kindly GTFO at the very least.
All in all, it was very interesting. The men move in with their wives and lose their family names, taking those of their wives. The place we went to, I seem to recall the women could take multiple males but men were largely monogamous. This was one of the more relaxed matriarchies around - I'd heard stories of matriarchies elsewhere in rural China where the men were so downtrodden they were agitating for men's rights (in an unfortunate inversion of the historical norm).
At an important point our mother went to look at some crafts shop to buy totem discs or something similar, and my brother and I grew increasingly aware of an urgent need to pee.
This boded ill.
We wandered out of the shop and started looking at all the buildings, some of which were modern and others were wooden and made in traditional style. We wondered which of them would be latrines. We wished we'd paid more attention in Chinese class.
Eventually, with bladders distended and dusk imminent, my brother and I found a tentlike building of that ubiquitous red/white/blue industrial plastic fabric that Chinese use for everything from construction materials to luggage items, and we decided this was modern enough for us to be likely far away from the more traditional women who might object to what we were about to do. As a feckless reckless teen, I did not have the strongest grasp of anthropo-cultural norms, but I could only imagine that matriarch citizens who react poorly to male articles in their language would probably react poorly to male genitals in their public places.
We peed against the side of the tent, with one brother keeping a nervous lookout for the other.
Afterwards we circled around the tent, congratulating ourselves on a stealth mission well executed, and we came to the front of the tent, where we found a bright happy sign saying "MEN'S TOILETS" beside the tent flap.
...
We felt suitably foolish.
One time in my teens, my brother and I went to visit a matriarchy in southwestern China. They're one of the "56 ethnic minorities" categorized by the Chinese government, and they receive additional aid and support if they allow some degree of cultural tourism to outsiders.
We were warned not to use terms like "father", "brother", or "husband" in the area because the female-dominated culture would view it as offensive. We were also told as men to stay in the visitors' areas, or to stay with outsider females if we ventured into the tribal areas, because a man wandering alone would receive a stern admonition to kindly GTFO at the very least.
All in all, it was very interesting. The men move in with their wives and lose their family names, taking those of their wives. The place we went to, I seem to recall the women could take multiple males but men were largely monogamous. This was one of the more relaxed matriarchies around - I'd heard stories of matriarchies elsewhere in rural China where the men were so downtrodden they were agitating for men's rights (in an unfortunate inversion of the historical norm).
At an important point our mother went to look at some crafts shop to buy totem discs or something similar, and my brother and I grew increasingly aware of an urgent need to pee.
This boded ill.
We wandered out of the shop and started looking at all the buildings, some of which were modern and others were wooden and made in traditional style. We wondered which of them would be latrines. We wished we'd paid more attention in Chinese class.
Eventually, with bladders distended and dusk imminent, my brother and I found a tentlike building of that ubiquitous red/white/blue industrial plastic fabric that Chinese use for everything from construction materials to luggage items, and we decided this was modern enough for us to be likely far away from the more traditional women who might object to what we were about to do. As a feckless reckless teen, I did not have the strongest grasp of anthropo-cultural norms, but I could only imagine that matriarch citizens who react poorly to male articles in their language would probably react poorly to male genitals in their public places.
We peed against the side of the tent, with one brother keeping a nervous lookout for the other.
Afterwards we circled around the tent, congratulating ourselves on a stealth mission well executed, and we came to the front of the tent, where we found a bright happy sign saying "MEN'S TOILETS" beside the tent flap.
...
We felt suitably foolish.
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LadySoth
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 294
- Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:27 am
- Location: Enduring a Thousand Injuries of Fortunato . . .
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Had a real madness check today when I saw that a neighbor who has frequently stolen, tried to cover up and then lied about it, has been honored with a civic award for being an "asset to the community"!!! 
I'm not too terribly surprised, actually. Such is the way of the world.
I'm not too terribly surprised, actually. Such is the way of the world.
~ L A D Y S O T H ~
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
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Manofevil
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 1688
- Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Why should I say? No one ever visits!
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Is he a Democrat 
or a Republican 
and which office is he running for?
or a Republican and which office is he running for?Do us a favor Luv, Stick yer 'ead in a bucket a kick it!
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
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LadySoth
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 294
- Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:27 am
- Location: Enduring a Thousand Injuries of Fortunato . . .
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
^Actually, I have no idea of the person's political affiliation. I try to avoid conversation with the neighbor if at all possible, as I have absolutely nothing positive to say.
~ L A D Y S O T H ~
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
For science!
This is an email conversation between me and my workwife. It still makes me laugh.
This is an email conversation between me and my workwife. It still makes me laugh.
I feel strangely proud of this conversation.Me: So, one of the fun things about being a guy is you can weigh yourself with bathroom scales, and if they're sensitive enough, you can do this while peeing at the toilet bowl and watch the weight slowly go down. It's awesome.
Her: Omg, no you did not just send me that!!
Me: I have not yet attempted to do this trick with the other thing. I can't find any way to make sure my entire weight is supported by the bathroom scales.
Her: Why do you do this to me???
Me: Well once I solve the current problem, you'll be able to do it too. Honestly I thought you might be a bit more supportive of my scientific endeavors.
Her: How are we even friends
Me:
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Zettaijin
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 667
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: Himeji, Japan
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
As well you should be. It is rare to find a man so devoted to the shall we say less glamorous side of science.HuManBing wrote:For science!
This is an email conversation between me and my workwife. It still makes me laugh.
I feel strangely proud of this conversation.
It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it!
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Halloween costume fun:
Ingredients:
What the ex thought:
Ex-girlfriend kindly let me use her apartment to get changed in. She left the key with the concierge, and I picked it up and went to her bathroom to change. Afterwards, I went back down to the lobby and handed in the key and sat down. Concierge had a mild freak-out. Ex came back and asked if I'd been there. Concierge said "He's in the lobby." Ex came into the lobby, looked around, and said "He's not here." Bear in mind this is a woman who lived with me under the same roof for three years, once upon a time.
I waved to her. Ex screamed and giggled maniacally for a whole minute. Then said "My God, you make a very pretty girl!"
Given that she's my ex, this is probably the highest praise I can realistically expect from her.
GREAT SUCCESS.
What the general public thought:
Ex-girlfriend kindly took me to the clubs. Many people gave me one quick glance, then a second long glance. I heard many whispers of "I thought that was a woman!" At two or three points, strangers asked me to pose for photos with them. More than one guy tried to buy me a drink, but then backed off when I asked them (in male voice) "Are you sure?"
I went to the men's bathroom a few times. After the third or fourth time, management sent staff to tell me sternly to wait in line for the ladies' room instead of barging in to the men's room.
"But I'm a boy," I said.
They did a massive double take and immediately apologized. This was probably the crowning moment of awesome for the entire weekend.
GREAT SUCCESS.
What the date thought:
A date took me to another party - again, I was dressed as a woman. The drinks flowed freely and we kissed in a doorway. The rest of the party stopped and a chant of "We love lesbians!" slowly arose. My date stopped kissing me at that time and got a bit embarrassed. It didn't bother me, though. I've long suspected I could actually be a lesbian trapped in a man's body - much of my life would make sense if that were true.
FAINT TO MODERATE SUCCESS.
What the other date thought:
Another date loaned me the shawl, primarily to cover up my unladylike shoulders. She did not get to see me in costume during the Halloween weekend, but she was very supportive of my decision to dress as a woman. She asked if I could dress up for her in a private session and said she was "physically enthusiastic" to see this. Her exact words were "wear that costume in public and I'll see what I can do to it in private".
My face:
MOSTLY SUCCESS... WITH GROWING TRACES OF DISQUIET AND FEAR.
And no, I'm not posting any pictures. You'll have to imagine it for yourself.
Ingredients:
VIEW CONTENT:
Ex-girlfriend kindly let me use her apartment to get changed in. She left the key with the concierge, and I picked it up and went to her bathroom to change. Afterwards, I went back down to the lobby and handed in the key and sat down. Concierge had a mild freak-out. Ex came back and asked if I'd been there. Concierge said "He's in the lobby." Ex came into the lobby, looked around, and said "He's not here." Bear in mind this is a woman who lived with me under the same roof for three years, once upon a time.
I waved to her. Ex screamed and giggled maniacally for a whole minute. Then said "My God, you make a very pretty girl!"
Given that she's my ex, this is probably the highest praise I can realistically expect from her.
GREAT SUCCESS.
What the general public thought:
Ex-girlfriend kindly took me to the clubs. Many people gave me one quick glance, then a second long glance. I heard many whispers of "I thought that was a woman!" At two or three points, strangers asked me to pose for photos with them. More than one guy tried to buy me a drink, but then backed off when I asked them (in male voice) "Are you sure?"
I went to the men's bathroom a few times. After the third or fourth time, management sent staff to tell me sternly to wait in line for the ladies' room instead of barging in to the men's room.
"But I'm a boy," I said.
They did a massive double take and immediately apologized. This was probably the crowning moment of awesome for the entire weekend.
GREAT SUCCESS.
What the date thought:
A date took me to another party - again, I was dressed as a woman. The drinks flowed freely and we kissed in a doorway. The rest of the party stopped and a chant of "We love lesbians!" slowly arose. My date stopped kissing me at that time and got a bit embarrassed. It didn't bother me, though. I've long suspected I could actually be a lesbian trapped in a man's body - much of my life would make sense if that were true.
FAINT TO MODERATE SUCCESS.
What the other date thought:
Another date loaned me the shawl, primarily to cover up my unladylike shoulders. She did not get to see me in costume during the Halloween weekend, but she was very supportive of my decision to dress as a woman. She asked if I could dress up for her in a private session and said she was "physically enthusiastic" to see this. Her exact words were "wear that costume in public and I'll see what I can do to it in private".
My face:
- not_sure_if_want.jpg (34.46 KiB) Viewed 1057 times
And no, I'm not posting any pictures. You'll have to imagine it for yourself.
Last edited by HuManBing on Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Gonzoron of the FoS
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 7561
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 8:02 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: New Jersey
- Contact:
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Really? we have to?!?? what if we don't want to?!?!HuManBing wrote:And no, I'm not posting any pictures. You'll have to imagine it for yourself.
"We're realistic heroes. We're not here to save the world, just nudge the world into a better place."
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Zettaijin
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 667
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: Himeji, Japan
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
Excellent point!Gonzoron of the FoS wrote:Really? we have to?!?? what if we don't want to?!?!HuManBing wrote:And no, I'm not posting any pictures. You'll have to imagine it for yourself.
Mind you I dressed up as a maido (maid, but with a Japanese moe bent) without shaving, since I was going for a Hikaru Sato concept (a pro wrestler/tough guy who dresses as a maid with cat ears).
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
I did shave for my costume. Everything below the ears.
"What? Everything?" they asked.
Yes. EVERYTHING! >:]
As a side note, it's weird to be able to actually feel the fabric of my trousers on my legs again. So smooth!
"What? Everything?" they asked.
Yes. EVERYTHING! >:]
As a side note, it's weird to be able to actually feel the fabric of my trousers on my legs again. So smooth!
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Zettaijin
- Evil Genius
- Posts: 667
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: Himeji, Japan
Re: Real life fear/horror/madness
That's a cheesy 80's TV show just waiting to happen...
"By day, he's a hard hitting lawyer. By night, he's a woman. He's Bing, and you'll never have an objection with him around!"
Like a cross dressing Asian Matlock or something.
"By day, he's a hard hitting lawyer. By night, he's a woman. He's Bing, and you'll never have an objection with him around!"
Like a cross dressing Asian Matlock or something.