Café de Nuit

ok, this should be fun.

you shall pose a question to a darklord, and the next poster, in the guise of that darklord, shall answer the question. They shall then ask a question to a different darklord.

Let's begin

Dear Strahd von Zarovich,

Do you ever feel remorse that you are not as famous as Dracula?

-Scarycount

Strahd: "Dracula was a fool that allowed his fame to bring about his own demise at the hands of self-righteous "adventurers" with sharp little sticks & a Bowie Knife. Let him suffer the price of his arrogance by having to live & die again endlessly through sequels, cameos, and parodies, I have a real purpose to my life, that includes eliminating pretentious rivals that appear before me, young "Scary Count".

Question for Harkon Lucas: What is your opinion of this new form of music believed to be originated in Valachan, called "Rap"?

"It's unhearable! No one can listen to it more than a few seconds. If a bard dare should come and play it to Kartakass."

Question for Azalin: What's your opinion about children's rights?

Azalin: Children ahev rights? Theyre better suited to filling up my growing hordes of undead".

Question for Anton Misroi "Have you always been a terrible organ player?"

He gives the air an arrogent sniff, waving his hand in a condescending way. "Moi? Terrible? Please, have you no taste? I taught your mother how to play the organ, that's what.

Now insignificant mortal, you must leave, for The Lord Anton Misroi wishes to perfect his already fantastic organ playing. "

He then turns his back to you, sits in front of the organ, and pounds on random keys.

Question for Alfred Timothy: "Wanna doggie biscuit?"

Alfred Timothy: "A doggie biscuit? Containing contaminated ingredients harmful to us noble canines? Yet another attempt by you pitiful humans to destroy what you can't control. I'll have your children for breakfast for that crude attempt on my life"

Question for Tristessa: Have you heard back from the adoption agency? Angelina seems to get children on a regular basis, why can't you?

Tristessa: "These fools. They have missunderstood. I have asked only one thing, if they have seen my baby, MY baby. They have said that they would try to find another one who looks like it etc. I had no time to listen the apologies of these loosers... I had to search for my baby."

Question for Jaquiline Renier: "Have you heard the new perfume? They say that gets the beast out of you!"

Jacqueline REnier: NO I haven't I use Eau D'égout(Sewer water), it makes my prey taste better.
Question for STrahd :DId you ever think of dating someone else besides Tatanya?You might have better luck

"She'll come around eventually. My gifts and love letters(in the form of taxes) will not go unanswered forever puny mortal!"

Dear King Azalin,

Why have you not crushed Ivan and all of Falcovia? I heard he cannot close his borders; send in waves of your necromantic army! And maybe hire some adventuring party to waste Ivan?

yours in fear,

Vipera Aspis

Proclamation found nailed to Vipera Aspis's busted-down door:

BE IT KNOWN THAT:

As Citizen Aspis has questioned the Great King's unparalleled wisdom in allowing the mercenary (and self-named "ruler") of Falkovnia to provide Him with new undead legions, every time he blindly drives his troops across the border to be butchered; and

As Citizen Aspis has implied, most insultingly, that His Majesty would ever lower Himself to deign pay adventurers to do anything, when He can so easily manipulate such gulllible vagrants into doing things for free; and

As Citizen Aspis has, by the citizen's own testament, manifestly confused the mercenary thug Drakov with the sniveling fop Ivan Dilisnya;

HENCEFORTH:

Citizen Aspis will commence intensive re-education, discipline, and regular blood-donation services in the custody of the Kargat.

VIVA AZALIN REX!






For Daclaud Heinfroth: Pssst! Wanna buy some Prozac?

Rotipher of the FoS wrote:For Daclaud Heinfroth: Pssst! Wanna buy some Prozac?

Heinfroth: I? I'm not melancholic. And really, for my patients, what would be the point? Is there a purple pill for curing "legions of beetles living under my skin"?

To Harkon Lukas: So...why the monocle?

Harkon: I just wore it on a whim one day and it was all over the E! news. Now all those copycats are wearing them. The citizens of Skald love this monicle soooooo much that if I don't wear it I won't get reelected, and if I don't get reelected, I'll go on a bloodthirsty rampage. So trust me, wearing the monacle is best for everyone envolved.

Dear Urik von Kharkov, why do you just pick your wives at random? You might have better luck if you hand picked them.

Kharkov: My Panthers will be issuing a new edict; the lottery system for my bride's selection will be replaced with a yearly pageant, as everyone knows Southern women would just die to win a pageant.

Question for Frantisec Markov; What's on the menu today?

Frantisec Markov: Hmmm..how very strange you should ask that. You are catman.


To Azalin after previous post..

*cowering in corner of cell in a unknown loctation scrawling on wall with chalk*


Dear King Azalin,

How is it that Darkon is so great and you so very mighty, always right, unchallenged and wonderfully forgiving?

Azalin: I credit my attributes of greatness to my royal ancestry. Such a fine specimin as myself is simply not to be found amongst the common folk. As for Darkon, I credit its greatness to the greatness of its king.

Dear Hazlik, what would you like for christmas this year?

-Scarycount