I have seen the light.
Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:29 am
My friends,
Recently I found myself wandering, seeking something that was missing from my life. In the core of me was a dark hole, an empty chasm of loneliness. I couldn’t understand why; I had a good job, a decent apartment, a huge library of movies, video games, books written by the Great Masters (Shakespeare, Socrates, Seuss), a car that only broke down every other Thursday after lunch—how could I be dissatisfied?
Then I met a man who showed me the error of my ways. We talked, we prayed, and he led me off the dark path I walked. He showed me THE TRUTH. He brought me ENLIGHTENMENT. That man’s name was Jack T. Chick.
Jack Chick showed me that I had skirted DAMNATION with my foolish role-playing. He opened my eyes to the links forged between Dungeons and Dragons and the OCCULT. He helped me understand the CARCINOGENIC nature of the D20 system. Jack Chick saved my SOUL, and has sent me forth to rescue others from a similar, horrible fate.
And so, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, it will be my HOLY mission in life to bring you, my friends, to SALVATION! Yes, even Drusilla. So cast away those twenty-sided dice! Burn those Monster Manuals! Extricate yourself from those DAEMONIC RITUALS masquerading as “games” and follow the WORD OF JACK T. CHICK!!!
I believe Jack Chick is the way for you people. Seek the path of the BLESSED, and give up this EVIL “game”; I beseech thee! Fellow Sinners, turn away from your Soulless Books of Ineffable Damnation! These Tools of Vile Darkness can only have one result: CONDEMNATION TO THE DREAD PLAINS OF HECK! And it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds!
Please, I urge you, give up this sinful game, and follow the holy word of Jack Chick.
Recently I found myself wandering, seeking something that was missing from my life. In the core of me was a dark hole, an empty chasm of loneliness. I couldn’t understand why; I had a good job, a decent apartment, a huge library of movies, video games, books written by the Great Masters (Shakespeare, Socrates, Seuss), a car that only broke down every other Thursday after lunch—how could I be dissatisfied?
Then I met a man who showed me the error of my ways. We talked, we prayed, and he led me off the dark path I walked. He showed me THE TRUTH. He brought me ENLIGHTENMENT. That man’s name was Jack T. Chick.
Jack Chick showed me that I had skirted DAMNATION with my foolish role-playing. He opened my eyes to the links forged between Dungeons and Dragons and the OCCULT. He helped me understand the CARCINOGENIC nature of the D20 system. Jack Chick saved my SOUL, and has sent me forth to rescue others from a similar, horrible fate.
And so, FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, it will be my HOLY mission in life to bring you, my friends, to SALVATION! Yes, even Drusilla. So cast away those twenty-sided dice! Burn those Monster Manuals! Extricate yourself from those DAEMONIC RITUALS masquerading as “games” and follow the WORD OF JACK T. CHICK!!!
I believe Jack Chick is the way for you people. Seek the path of the BLESSED, and give up this EVIL “game”; I beseech thee! Fellow Sinners, turn away from your Soulless Books of Ineffable Damnation! These Tools of Vile Darkness can only have one result: CONDEMNATION TO THE DREAD PLAINS OF HECK! And it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds!
Please, I urge you, give up this sinful game, and follow the holy word of Jack Chick.
Gotta find out who dared to vote for JC...
You misunderstand me, sir! I merely wish to bring you the holy enlightenment that Jack Chick brought me. He has shown me that the paper cuts caused by my character sheets were God's warnings of the game's dangers! Wearing gloves is not enough; you must burn them all! Preferably in a well-ventilated area; I don't want the evil fumes to hurt your lungs.
