Café de Nuit

Granted! Unfortunatley due to your lovely description the DP's decide to have some fun and trap you in Hazlan, whilst providing a certain Red Wizard with details of your address...

I wish my laptop wouldnt keep crashing.

*Oh great, I'm feeling political tonight*

Granted. Micheal Bay gets paid a sh*t load of money by an endless list of corporate sponsors to make a run-of-the-mill block buster about how your laptop is actually an alien robot in disguise sent to earth to help defend you from the other alien robots. Your paper thin character now has to run around like a streaking frat-boy while your ultimately personality void girlfriend doesn't do anything the entire time but gap her mouth open and show more cleavage than a plumber's backside. The movie ends with the underlying message that people should continue what they've started, even if the movie's featured country is involved in a war that shouldn't have been started in the first place, and will likely lead it into an economic depression.

The twist was that you had to listen to my rant. You laptop turns back on just fine.

I wish they weren't making a sequel to that blasted, infectious movie.

Granted. They decide it's to be a prequel instead. Or rather, two prequels.

I wish I'd been able to keep my old cell phone number when I changed phones a couple days ago.

JinnTolser wrote:I wish I'd been able to keep my old cell phone number when I changed phones a couple days ago.

Granted. In the morning you find a new cell phone sitting beside your bed connected to your old number. Unfortunately the police establish that during the night you tracked down and murdered the person to whom your number had been reassigned and took her phone. That you can't remember doing so does not help your cause in the least.

I wish that the Sun wasn't destined to devour the Earth.

Granted. The Earth is sucked into a black hole long before the Sun has a chance to snack on it. Tomorrow, in fact.

I wish that next week's curriculum-committee meeting will be over in less than an hour, rather than the three or more hours that's usual for November.

Granted. The curriculum committee is sucked into a black hole before they have a chance to meet.

I wish I'd just killed Elminster and all his allies. With a trout.

Granted! But in your euphoria at bludgeoning the hapless old mage to death with the afore-mentioned trout, you are brutally backstabbed (or should that be sneak attacked? ) by a herring-wielding Raistlin...

I wish it wasnt dark so early...

Granted! The sun remains in the sky 24 hours a day. Without the opportunity to cool off at night, the planet's temperature rises substantially, accelerating global warming so much that within two weeks, society has been transformed into a bad Kevin Costner movie.

I wish they'd make an Eternal Champions sequel for the PS2, that would be just as fun but nowhere near as difficult as the original.

JinnTolser wrote:I wish they'd make an Eternal Champions sequel for the PS2, that would be just as fun but nowhere near as difficult as the original.

Granted. The game is everything you want and more. Indeed it is so utterly addictive that you die in place after having played it for 333 hours straight. You are, however, granted unlife to continue your obsession. And woe to anyone who interrupts you and woe to all in the case of a power outage.

I wish people would be careful of what they wish for lest they get it.

cure wrote:

JinnTolser wrote:I wish they'd make an Eternal Champions sequel for the PS2, that would be just as fun but nowhere near as difficult as the original.

Granted. The game is everything you want and more. Indeed it is so utterly addictive that you die in place after having played it for 333 hours straight. You are, however, granted unlife to continue your obsession. And woe to anyone who interrupts you and woe to all in the case of a power outage.

Hey, no more breaks to go to the bathroom! Sounds good to me.

I wish people would be careful of what they wish for lest they get it.

Granted. People stop to consider their wishes for a long time before posting them here, and when they do, the wishes are phrased so carefully in obnoxious legalese that the game ceases to become fun anymore, and everyone stops playing. The most obsessed devotees of the game blame you for making this wish, and send you constant hate mail and obscene photographs. When you change your email to avoid it, an angry mob burns a cure effigy in front of your house.

I wish it would rain tuna in Washington DC during the President's next press conference.

JinnTolser wrote:I wish it would rain tuna in Washington DC during the President's next press conference.

Granted. During the press conference the President is ambushed with an unscripted question, but eventually manages a smirk and the inspired rejoinder that if the Lord Jesus Christ disapproved of the present course he would give a sign. It promptly pours tuna. The President is rushed from the scene and flown far, far away in Air Force One. The Vice President orders the CIA to determine that the still flapping tuna are Iranian and issues a back-dated executive order declaring unmarinaded tuna a weapon of mass destruction. And to make the bad guys pay as well as to restore deterrence via a fitting dose of terror, the Vice President unleashes the American nuclear arsenal - with the full backing of Britain, Israel, and Micronesia - upon the populations of Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Afghanistan, Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, North Yemen, South Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, the horn of Africa, Niger, Venezuala, Brazil, Cuba, Bosnia and France. Fortunately no oil fields are damaged in the accomplishment of this mission.

I wish that whoever contemplates declaring war has experienced personally the unceasing horrors and frightful madness of the fratricidal enterprise.

Gran---

Wait.

Two words: Vlad Drakov.

That's all. I wish somebody will come along and make a wish to be perverted after me.

Granted, but it's such a great wish that you feel guilty when it gets twisted and perverted. So guilty, in fact, that you hide yourself away in shame fo weeks on end.

I wish everyone on this board could have a free sandwich of whatever kind they want.

Granted! They all get a spoiled sandwitch. Your's is so bad in fact that you suffer from a disease and food poisoning that lands you in bed for 2 weeks.

I wish everyone that disagrees with me that human brains are meant to be devoured by mind flayers would suffer excruciating pain for an hour.

Granted! The Dark Powers alter your thoughts so that you no longer believe that human brains are appropriate mind-flayer fodder. Since those also lacking that belief no longer disagree with you, they suffer no pain. However, several of your fellow illithids now look at you quite askanse when you suggest having Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for dinner.

I wish I knew if I spelled "askanse" correctly without having to go look it up.