Café de Nuit

Granted! You're happy all the time... You cannot help but smile when your girlfriend leaves you, you let a giggle escape when your dog dies, and you cannot stop laughing out loud as the people around you start dying in mysterious circumstances. Your life could be miserable, but you are just so happy!!!

It doesn't take very long before they find you, and treat you as a dangerous madman (You may not have killed those you loved, but the fact that you seem so happy results very suspicious). Now, you're locked in an asylum...

Oh! Welcome home, Jack!

(I'll leave your tooth for another twisted mind)

Granted, you no longer suffer from tooth pain after all of your teeth fall out, and your lower jaw spontaneously falls off, thus preventing the fitting of dentures.

I wish I could go to another showing of Monty Python's Spamalot (it was hilarious.)

Granted! But the production you see is a low-budget, off-Broadway version starring Carrot Top. And they lock the theater doors so you can't leave til it's over.

I wish the Force was real, and I both knew how and was capable of using it.

Granted, however you never get beyond a mastery of simple tricks which can amuse small children.

I wish I had a more stable wireless internet connection. (Have I done that one before? it seems familiar...)

Granted! It costs you 10000$ each month, and if you fall back, they take your house.

I wish I could watch the new movie of Harry potter.

Granted, however when you go to see the new HP movie, you get caught between the person with a beehive hairdo right in front of you, and a row of little kids behind you who just won't shut up.

I wish I had a job where I could afford my new wireless connection, be able to enjoy that job, and be able to enjoy the wireless connection.

Granted. The job is as a limb-and-organ donor for an eccentric billionaire who needs multiple transplants. Fortunately, you're left with one eye and one arm, so are still able to work your wireless internet connection while you live out your days in pampered luxury as a bedridden invalid on dialysis.


I wish I knew exactly which game-books to take with me to my folks' house, so I can finish editing netbook stuff when I visit them at the end of the month.

Granted! You decide on the perfect combination of books to take along. However, the night before you leave, your place is broken into and your books are stolen.

I wish the trailer for Star Wars: the Force Unleashed didn't look so much like Super-Saiyin Sith.

Granted! It looks even more like a super Saiyin Sith!

I wish the children to be struck mute and the hairy guy bald before the trailers of the HP movie ended.

Granted! But a freak mixup leads to the theater's having accidentally been shipped an old copy of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo in place of the new Potter movie, which nobody discovers until after the movie starts. And the theater apologizes, but refuses to refund anyone's money.

I wish the media would shut up about the Beckhams already.

Wish granted. The media starts covering you -- your private life, your mistakes, your life's most embarassing moments -- instead of the Beckhams.


I wish I didn't have (ow!) a sore muscle in the back of my neck.

Granted. It is the carrionette who stole you body who now has a sore neck muscle. And as for you, you now have aching knots.

I wish for an untwisted wish.

Granted. A child that hates you in your neighborhood has an untwisted wish. Now you're plagued by tiny pink ponies that step over you and wake you in the night, by spoons that bite you when you try to use them etc.

I wish for a tiger to attack and eat Cure while he is far away from me (so the tiger doesn't attack me next!)

Wish granted. The tiger that was going to eat alhoon gets a sudden craving for Cure-meat and heads off in search of it. This, conveniently enough, clears the way for the equally-ravenous grizzly bear (which was lurking behind the tiger) to reach, and chow down upon, a tasty meal of alhoon.



I wish: A) that I wasn't a carrionette, and B) that carrionettes didn't have such a dorky name.

Rotipher of the FoS wrote:I wish: A) that I wasn't a carrionette, and B) that carrionettes didn't have such a dorky name.

Granted! You are now a meat-muppet, as are all other Constructs Formerly Known as Carrionettes.

I wish my mouse neurons were more easily transfected.