Café de Nuit

Granted.

However, now every PS2 game in existence is scratched to the point where it won't even load.

I wish I held the ultimate power over life and death....

Cole Deschain wrote:Granted.

However, now every PS2 game in existence is scratched to the point where it won't even load.

At least I can still play PS1 games.

Cole Deschain wrote:Granted.

However, now every PS2 game in existence is scratched to the point where it won't even load.

I wish I held the ultimate power over life and death....

Granted, but your charred body is bedridden for all eternity.

I wish Silent Hill wasn't in my basement.

Granted. It's on your rooftop.

I wish I had seen that wish about Superman in time to twist it in a different direction.

Granted! Unfortunately, since that made the thread go off in a different direction entirely, you never got the opportunity to wish that you were able to see the Superman wish and the world gains the chance to deeply regret that the theory about time-travel paradoxes creating parallel timelines wasn't correct as the space-time continuum goes, in the words of Pinky, "Poit!"

I wish this thread didn't appear to be dying. Corpses around here can be rather dangerous.

Granted. The thread is still dying but instead it appears to be healthy, hale, and attractive. Other threads give it the eye at drinks parties and try to get its phone number. The thread gets annoyed at this and seeks help from other dying-but-beautiful individuals in an anonymous help forum. The only one to respond recommends eating a living human heart each day and not wearing a bra. The thread does both of those things, with regrettable and ugly (not to mention pendulous) results.

I wish I had an Earwax Golem.

HuManBing wrote:The thread gets annoyed at this and seeks help from other dying-but-beautiful individuals in an anonymous help forum. The only one to respond recommends eating a living human heart each day and not wearing a bra.

Tiyet has an Internet connection? Man, Har'Akir is way the backwater of Egyptian-themed domains by comparison, isn't it?

(Somebody else, though will have to answer your wish. I'm not touching that Earwax Golem with a ten-foot Q-tip! )

Granted! You have a dread earwax golem. However, it loses a little of its material daily, so it constantly needs to be sucking your ears and those of everyone around it (Yikes!).

I wish I could stretch time.

Granted! You discover that time is made of rubber. You stretch it, but it bounces back. As a result, you keep moving forward and backward within the same 30-second span of time. But within those 30 seconds, you can stretch it as much as you want.

I wish that made some kind of sense.

It makes sense, all right. A sense of shame!

I wish I could get together with my old gaming group more often for some good old Ravenloft gaming.

Wish granted. You all die in separate horrible accidents and wind up holding your game-sessions in the 9th circle of Hell.


I wish my pesky neighbors hadn't kept me awake the last couple of nights, setting off fireworks ahead of schedule.

Wish granted, they let them all off tonight aiming them at your hours, you're awakened to find your house in flakes after one had flown through a window you'd forgotten to close before getting into bed. You lose all your possessions.

I wish I didn;t have this throat infection coz it's annoying the hell out of me...

Granted, you now have my bout of food poisoning.

I wish I hadn't eaten that expired slice of melon.

Granted, instead you ate the slice of expired melon that was next to it.

I wish that for once in his life my brother would stop talking so that I could actually get more than 30 seconds of quiet around him.

(edited for clarity)

Granted! He stops talking for exactly thirty-one seconds, then never stops talking again, even in his sleep, fulfilling the "once in his life" part of your wish. You soon contract a fatal infection from refusing to remove the earplugs, and your brother gives the eulogy at your funeral.

I wish I could type faster.