Café de Nuit

Granted. The Mists roll in and consume Darkon, leaving Necropolis an Island in the Mists.

I wish that Igor would write a tell all book.

Granted. "I, Igor: The Memoirs of a Hunchback" becomes the best seller of the decade, outselling Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter and Twilight on every best seller list worldwide. The film will follow, with Hayden Christensen portraying Igor during his initial painful throes of adulthood, a feel-good film about following one's dreams and never remembering the right brain.

I wish Igor's tell-all book was available in other languages besides English.

"I wish Igor's tell-all book was available in other languages besides English."

Granted. The book can also be read in the hideos script of Bluetspur's mindflayers, a tongue that drives men mad and is known to cause cosmic horrors to arise from the sea and devour all mankind.

I wish I knew what else to wish for!

Granted. You now know exactly what to wish for. You also know that you just used up your only wish, so it does you no good.

I wish my students wouldn't come up with such cockamamie improvised answers on their exams, but would simply admit it when they don't know something.

Granted! All your students hand in blank papers with their next exam.

I wish I was a doppelganger.

Granted. In a past life your were a doppleganger.

I wish that the FoS hosts a competition for the best Dread Possibilitiy backstory for the God-Brain.

Granted... They host it, and only it for the rest of their time of operation. Nothing else comes about and the FoS changes over to the FoB. Brain centric adventures and monsters become the theme of the site, and this goes by the winning entry, where said back story links the God Brain as a superhero and the Brain as his side kick in a Crime fighting duo who fall from the path, when they preform lobotomies on their villains to stop their violent tenancies and then have their brains removed as revenge...

I wish I was a Superhero!

Granted. You wake up to discover you have developed a superpower. Unfortunately, it is in fact the Most Common Superpower, as defined by the TVtropes website.

[Those not in-the-know should check http://www.tvtropes.org to see why this may not be what Mr. Hatcher had in mind. ]


I wish I had TiVo so I wouldn't keep missing my favorite shows.

Granted. The League for the Defence of Animalkind invades your place of work, kidnaps you, and sets the price of your release as the liberation of laboratory rats everywhere. In the mean time you are locked in a windowless room with cable television and Tivo. So you may record shows for later viewing or, for want of anything better to do, watch them as they are broadcast.

I wish that Belgium was overrun by moonrats.

Granted: Moonrats now control the seat of the European Union's headquarters. And from there... the WORLD...!


I wish I had the Most Common Superpower and that people would like me more as a result.

Granted. Years of experimentation with a cocktail of performance enhancing drugs, including a female fertility treatment, not only yields a crushing swing with the ball and chain but additionally a gloriously blossoming and miraculously self-supporting bosom. But sadly, in fit of jealous rage, Dana International mortally stabs you in the back.

(PS No LA Dodgers were belittled in this post, really.)

I wish that there was a 10th layer in Hell for althetes who so much as dabbled with performance enhance drugs.

Granted... Any athlete who so much as looks funny at a vitamin, drinks a caffeinated beverage, or has a celebratory drink is sent to hell. However the loose definition of the wish, forces almost every soul to end up in this new layer, as at one time in most everyone's life they did something athletic. In this layer everything is a competition, and the constant struggles are mandated by absurd rules that limit play to the point where you must do something to give you an edge or find yourself in the dugout of losers until you can fight your way back to one of the fields. Of course this also affects Hell's inter mural softball league as the 10th layer team, always wins up until the last game of the season where the mandatory drug tests, disqualify them.
Heaven is now filled with those few meager souls that for one reason or another avoided competitive or challenging physical activity, and by this reasoning the meek really do inherit the earth.

I wish that I was in a room with air holes but no exits, with 3 monkeys, a box of poo covered razor blades, a vile of smallpox, A banana tree and only a fork and spoon to defend myself with... WAIT A MINUTE I...

Wish not granted. The dark powers are rather ticked off at you for doing all the work for them and refuse to fulfill your wish out of spite. It'd be like shooting fish in a barrel.

I wish I had a barrel full of fish to shoot.

Granted. Sharks are fish, the barrel is very large, and you're in there with them. Holding a gun that doesn't work underwater.

I wish I could wake up again this morning and do this day over.

Granted. You get to do this morning over, and over again, and again, as you are cast into an infinite loop, with an initially vague but quickly growing sense of deja vu.

I wish that instances of deja vu could be readily seperated from actual memories of the past.