Café de Nuit

lostboy wrote:I wish my car would start this morning.

Granted. Your car starts. Unfortunately you soon make the fatal discovery that it no longer stops.

I wish that I had the wight creaure template from Savage Species.

Granted! Not only do you have the template, but the Dark Powers kick in the entire book as well! Unfortunately, it's a copy of a book stolen in the course of a home invasion-turned-torture murder, and your possession of it is the only clue the police can find. The sea of public outrage quickly overwhelms the weakness of the case against you, and you are soon strapped into the death chair, waiting for the prick of the lethal injection against your skin.

I wish Earth was invaded and conquered by an army of sentient penguins.

Sylaire wrote:I wish Earth was invaded and conquered by an army of sentient penguins.

Granted! The surprise answer to the question of who killed the dinosaurs is sentient penguins from outerspace. The birds, however, found the whole business of administering the Earth irksome in the extreme. And after tens of millions of years, they renounced the endeavour, retreated to Antartica, and began producing documentries and feature films, abandoning the toil of administering the rest of the planet to the newly risen primates who pay them homage and lap up the dubious acting.

I wish that the penguin conspiracy was exposed for all to see.

Granted! Oswald Cobblepot's conspiracy to become mayor of Gotham City is caught on film. You might know it by the name Batman Returns. The twist? It's being remade, starring Ashton Kutcher as Batman, Vern Troyer as the Penguin, and Paris Hilton as Catwoman.

I wish Hollywood would rid themselves of the idea that being true to the source material somehow involves changing a lot of details.

JinnTolser wrote:I wish Hollywood would rid themselves of the idea that being true to the source material somehow involves changing a lot of details.

Granted! Original genius is no longer crushed into mush readily digestable by the undiscriminating masses. But to maintain a sense of continuity for said masses all films now feature as their leading lady Paris Hilton.

I wish that aliens would kidnap, for lethal medical experimentation, everyone caught up in the cult of celebrity.

Granted, only you wake up tomorrow abd find that YOU are now Paris Hilton.

I wish that common sense would regain it's posterity.

Georg Kristianokov wrote:I wish that common sense would regain it's posterity.

Granted! It does, but only after you are burnt alive for giving succour to witches.

I wish that leaders would take responsibility for disasters of their own making and honourably resign.

Granted. However, it turns out that such an honorable resignation earns a bigger sympathy-pension than simply relinquishing one's position of leadership. For that reason, leaders who want to retire begin deliberately causing disasters of their own making, in order to get a better pension plan.

I wish my printer at home wasn't busted.

Granted! Somebody breaks into your house in the night and steals your busted printer, inexplicably leaving the computer and other valuables untouched. The printer is still busted, but it's no longer at your home.

I wish my foot would heal up already.

Granted! It heals really nice, all green and perfect... hang on, green! Oh well at least it works now, you'll just have to wear knee socks for the rest of your natural life, and look really stupid....

I wish all world leaders could be kidnapped and marooned on an island somewhere in the mists with Daclaud Heinfroth...

Your wish is... rejected! Or rather, it short-circuits, as any close examination of current politics and history, and the degree of mental stability demonstrated by the various leaders involved, reveals that this has already happened. (Heinfroth sent them back afterwards, because some things are too crazy even for a cerebral vampire to put up with.)



I wish for good driving conditions in my area next week.

Granted, but planes are being blown out of the air...Onto the road...

I wish that people would think for themselves, like Socrates.

Georg Kristianokov wrote:I wish that people would think for themselves, like Socrates.

Granted! And each and everyone of them is tracked down and forced to drink hemlock.

I wish that the Gentleman Caller would publish a tell all book.

Granted. Unfortunately, he's such a terrible author that nobody can stand to read far enough to find the juicy bits. (Hey, demons of his sort have just one talent, and writing ain't it... )


I wish my grading of term papers and exams was already done.

Rotipher of the FoS wrote:I wish my grading of term papers and exams was already done.

Granted. You marked them.

I wish everyone the best of season's greetings.