I am not ever to attempt to convince Victor Mordenheim to turn his Golem-making research towards the invention of Pokemon. Wasn't getting tossed off the roof of his Schloss warning enough?
I am not to use any of the following descriptors in my Dread Golem research ever again:
-Pokemon
-Catbus
-Gingerbread
-Marshmallow
-self-basting
-bagpipes
-self-loading
-winged
-self-replicating
-non-Euclidean
-candy
-custard
-lycanthropic
Strahd is not played by Leslie Nielson in
Dracula:Dead and Loving It and I should stop pretending otherwise.
It is fine if I gather up any Broken Ones that I find and try to give them a sense of belonging and community-however, I am never again allowed to pass out all the Party's magic items to them, give them cool uniforms and teach them that our Battle Cry is "TO ME MY X-MEN!". And before I ask, I am not to go the other way with the whole
Brotherhood of Evil Mutants bit either...
I am allowed to research variant spells naturally-but the Garlic-scented
Stinking Cloud is not as much of an all-purpose 'Vampire-Be-Gone' as I think it is...also, several towns would like to discuss the concept of 'collateral damage' with me...
Countering the menace of Richemulot by becoming a Were-tiger and making dozens of nightly random attacks on the populace in order to 'inoculate' them from the were-rats, while insanely amusing
in theory, is still very, very wrong and-if the Reniers do not slaughter me first-will likely get me my own Domain.
Achieving my own Domain should
not be one of my
ambitions in life! The Dark Powers will make sure that whatever I get, I will still be utterly miserable and unhappy with my lot.
Going after the Were-wolf with a bottle of Hair Remover is only funny
once-and the DM only let my get away with it because I had Alchemy as a Proficiency. If I try it again I may run into an entire Pack at once...
Alchemist or not, I am never to flood the room with helium when confronted by Monsters just "so everybody sounds like the Muppets". The rest of the Party may call a Truce in order to let them all eat me, Powers Checks or no...
Dark Powers Checks are not to be chased for the sake of 'awesome stuff!'-the Dark Powers will always make sure that I regret the choice.
There are a number of Spells that are inappropriate to Ravenloft and that I am never to suggest to the DM for my Spell research again:
-Wall of chocolate
-Turn Water to Blood (the Vampyres appreciated the effort, but it was not filling and tasted a bit bland)
-Summon Darklord (I will never be high enough Level,
ever)
-Animate Carriage (especially once I added the guns and the armor plating)
-Remove Weapon Proficiency, 10' Radius
-Wave of Apathy
-Ray of Silver Slivers
I must remember that Summoning extra-planar creatures traps them in the Demi-plane. Therefore, constantly Summoning Solars, Devas and other noble creatures 'in order to even things up little'-
especially on a daily basis!-is grounds for a Powers Check.
I will not attempt to run the Apparatus on the Party Monk in an attempt to create a small army-besides, they will probably fight each other to the death anyway...
If I ever,
ever, ever try to raise an army again by placing my
charmed Neutral henchman between two
mirrors of opposition ever again, I will be in my own Domain so fast that I won't have time to blink! I am also to never suggest to any others of any Alignment that such a thing is possible. We have all taken a vow of silence on the matter.
A
Ring of Feather Falling and a
Decanter of Endless Water on the 'Geyser' setting do
not combine to make a 'Jet Pack', and I was wrong to tell the Gnome Fighter this without first trying it out myself.
I should be glad that he holds no grudges. On a related note, I need to keep talking the Gnome Fighter out of the following-
-believing that the Acrobatics Proficiency will let him steer our 'Jet Pack'
-that the DM will ever grant him a Proficiency in 'Jet Pack'
-thinking that any number of fins on his helmet, arms or legs will ever allow him to steer the blasted devices properly!
-again, I am so very, very sorry and will pay for any Healing the Gnome needs when he tries again....
Using Illusion Magic to create the illusion of a Barber Shop and attempt to give a pursuing Monster a haircut does not work outside of Scooby-Doo. Just because Toben the Many found it hilarious
that one time does not make it a viable tactic...
I must never, ever, ever try to use a
Simulacrum Spell or
Clone spell on Toben the Many
ever again! I could have just sold the Scrolls for gold, but noooooooooo.......
Disguising myself as a Headless Horsewoman got me no more than a
single round of Surprise when the Headless Horseman showed up! Oddly enough I am not forbidden from trying this tactic again, with as many suicidal PCs as I want...