Real life fear/horror/madness

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HuManBing
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

The odd thing is, in this scenario, it's the thirtysomething male who's thinking about "ever after", rather than the twentysomething female.

Although I will say in my defense that I'm not thinking about it particularly urgently. More like an interesting thought exercise.

In other news, a short month after me shutting down Nikki's impudent line of relationship humor, I learned that she has actually moved in with her boyfriend.

Looks like my little barb had the unexpected bonus of making her ask "actually, why not?"

It's nice when a mild put-down causes somebody to broaden their minds.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

I took LomboDot to dinner last night and the screaming child at the adjacent table caused her to completely lose her composure. A brief but surprisingly intense exchange occurred, and we were quickly relocated at a table far away.

Coincidentally enough, this extreme emotional irritability was caused by, of all things, a new regimen of contraceptive medication.

I wanted to give voice to this glorious karmic irony but LomboDot's expression suggested I would regret it.

So I didn't.

The bindhi masala was good though.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by High Priest Mikhal »

:shock: Okay, the cosmos must have a sick sense of humor for that kind of karma.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

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Tell me about it. Another documented side effect of the contraceptive medication: zero libido.

Technically, it's not INCOMPATIBLE with the drug's stated aim...

: sigh :
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by Dark Angel »

I am sure this bit isn't new to some, but what the hell...

Did you hear about the female condom?

Yeah, you unwrap it and it fits snugly over the opening to a wine glass.

Also lowers libido.
"One does not stop playing when they get old, they grow old when they stop playing" George Bernard Shaw
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

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My workplace was about to undergo renovation just as I joined. This meant a lot of drilling noises and hammering, as well as plastic sheeting over everything.

However, it also meant the construction guys put a bit of tape over the Men's room deadbolt, meaning that you no longer needed to use the communal key to go to the bathroom.

Four months later, they wrapped up their work and the office looked great. As it happened, this coincided with the arrival of our third lawyer, YeFlask.

On YeFlask's second day, the workers packed up and left. They also took the men's room tape with them and we were reduced to using the communal key all over again.

On YeFlask's third day, YeFlask had gone to the bathroom and put down a fresh layer of tape to firmly secure the door open.

I admire this man. Third day on the job and he's not using no lousy bathroom communal key, nosiree.


I think I will take him shooting some time.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

I just noticed this.

All the Chinese law clerks in our office are relatively naive and innocent when it comes to dating and relationships. But they have all chosen English names that sound like porn stars.

I also just learned that Nikki plays the guitar and Traci plays the flute. We may have to firm a law firm music band. We could call it Scales of Justice.

My last band didn't turn out so well. It was called Kharaini Al'Dhuscz and nobody could pronounce it. It was actually pronounced Cranial Douche and was intended as a highbrow tribute band to Spinal Tap. Our first album would have been "A Tap On the Head". We got in trouble with my mom, who understands a fair bit of Arabic because of being a Muslim and all, and she said it sounded too much like "Quran in the Shower", which is disrespectful at best and outright apostatic at worst.

Or we could go with "Legally Sound".
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by Manofevil »

Well of COURSE they've all chosen porn star names. They're trying to get promoted. All that cr-p about getting ahead on talent and genius is CR-P! There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the hall behind you. And name your band 'Free Beer'. It's an easy way to pack the halls. TONIGHT, AT THE RANCH BOWL!! FREE BEER!! TONIGHT!! AT THE GREEN DOOR!! FREE BEER!! TONIGHT!! AT THE CIVIC AUDITOREUM!! FREE BEER!!. See you'll pack the house every time.
Do us a favor Luv, Stick yer 'ead in a bucket a kick it!

So, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissome.... resurfaces, I'm the acting president, and I say starting with this... anniversary festival, we run this city into the ground! :D
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

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I suspect that The Barenaked Ladies had the exact same promotional idea.

Speaking of the nicknames of Chinese law clerks, I'm reminded of the nicknames of the eight Chinese handmaidens concubines in the comic novel Biff, by Christopher Moore. The following passage is when Biff and Jesus Christ (aka Joshua in Hebrew) are sheltering with Balthasar, the Wise Man, around about Afghanistan or thereabouts:

(Spoilered, as it is well known that grannies can't operate spoiler tags.)
VIEW CONTENT:
Balthasar's concubines were eight in number and their names were:
  • Tiny Feet of the Divine Dance of Joyous [ecstatic moment],
  • Beautiful Gate of Heavenly Moisture Number Six,
  • Temptress of the Golden Light of the Harvest Moon,
  • Delicate Personage of Two Fu Dogs Wrestling Under a Blanket,
  • Feminine Keeper of the Three Tunnels of Excessive Friendliness,
  • Silken Pillows of the Heavenly Softness of Clouds,
  • Pea Pods in Duck Sauce with Crispy Noodle,
  • and Sue.
[...]

'Why Sue?'
'Short for Susanna,' Balthasar said.
So there you go.

[...]

Joshua and I called the girls as follows:
  • Joy
  • Number Six
  • Two Fu Dogs
  • Moon
  • Tunnels
  • Pillows
  • Pea Pods
  • and Sue
which we couldn't figure out how to shorten.
The last line is quite possibly my favorite line in the entire book.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

Running a two-PC sidequest with my oldest player, LeChasseur, and my girlfriend, LomboDot.

They went to Nortenmark (Lamordia) and discovered that fifty years ago, a boatload of Asian alchemists visited the principality and gave them paper money, printing presses, silk, and gunpowder. In the intervening fifty years, a popular revolt broke out when peasants and intellectuals used the printing presses, paper money, and guns to overthrow the Prince's monopoly on proclamations, gold, and cavalry forces.

Fifty years later, LomboDot and LeChasseur have discovered that a rogue baron Lichtenbach has gathered an elite guild of Asian alchemists to create a Montpelier squadron with silken balloon airships, gunpowder bombs, and propaganda leaflets to visit a Blitzkrieg upon western Darkon.

LeChasseur and LomboDot are determined to stop them at all costs, with a secondary mission goal of capturing and interrogating the Asian collaborators.

Halfway through the prepping hangar fight to control the Zeppelin, LomboDot fires a musket at the airship bridge. The next three seconds are very loud and also somewhat redolent of the Hindenburg.
LomboDot: Oops.

LeChasseur: Well, there goes our secondary mission objective.

LomboDot (doomed attempt at optimism): Maybe if we're lucky, we'll find...

LeChasseur: ...enough to bury?

LomboDot: :(
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by High Priest Mikhal »

The Hindenburg? Oh, the humanity!
"Money is the root of all evil...I think I need more money."
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

On Sweet Nothings
LomboDot: You're the nicest foreigner I've ever met. I'm so glad I met you.

HMB: You're the nicest Chinese woman I've ever met. I'm so glad your parents didn't have an abortion when you were a fetus.

LomboDot: That's... a little weird, but still pretty thoughtful.
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by High Priest Mikhal »

HuManBing wrote:On Sweet Nothings
LomboDot: You're the nicest foreigner I've ever met. I'm so glad I met you.

HMB: You're the nicest Chinese woman I've ever met. I'm so glad your parents didn't have an abortion when you were a fetus.

LomboDot: That's... a little weird, but still pretty thoughtful.
I know this is just a joke but history sours it for me (there was [still is?] a practice of aborting or killing female offspring in China, as there was and will be in other cultures as well).
"Money is the root of all evil...I think I need more money."
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

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Yes, that's the whole point of the comment.

LomboDot's grandparents had actively recommended her father and mother to abort her in utero, because of the traditional bias against girls and the one child policy.

Of course, the joke was on them. Biologically, any environmental effect that reduces the numbers of one essential factor (like members of the female gender) will increase their evolutionary value in later generations. Although sociological change is a little slower, it's still in evidence - LomboDot now could command a much larger dowry than her mother could. (See my earlier post about a Chinese female student's view on future husbands and how she can negotiate several cm of husband height if she's still a virgin at time of marriage.)

Of course LomboDot came to the USA and has been stuck with me this past year, so you may well question whether she's meeting her full potential :)

One of our shared worries is that upon her return to China, her parents and grandparents will wait until the day after her twenty fifth birthday and then immediately start pressuring her to marry some guy she's never met before.

Our cunning plan is for her to go to Hong Kong, where the men are too obsessed with making money to care about marrying women anyway.

"What do you call a Hong Kong pervert?"

"Somebody who enjoys sex more than he enjoys money!"

...gaam gwai sap hei...
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Re: Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by High Priest Mikhal »

Yes, I do question whether she's meeting her full potential value by being with you, Bing.
"Money is the root of all evil...I think I need more money."
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