Real life fear/horror/madness

Books, movies, television and everything else
Post Reply
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Real life fear/horror/madness

Post by HuManBing »

When have you ever had to make a Sanity check in real life?

Day One:

HMB is sitting at a bar talking with a gay male friend. Gay male friend is homosexual. HMB is heterosexual, unless Johnny Depp is in the room. (He's not.)

GMF: How many women have you slept with?

HMB: I have slept with [number of women] women.

GMF: And how many men have you slept with?

HMB: I have not slept with any men.

GMF: Ha! As far as you know, you mean.

HMB: What do you mean "as far as I know"? People tend to notice stuff like this.

GMF: How can you be sure none of the girlfriends were post-operation transsexuals?

HMB (denial): Because... because... they weren't, okay???

GMF: Did any of them have Adam's apples? Were any of them unusually tall and thin? Did any of them have unusually long hands? Husky voices? High cheekbones?

HMB: OMFG YOU'RE DESCRIBING MY EX.

Day Two:

HMB is now IMing a particular ex-girlfriend, with whom he still stays in contact because frankly it's better to keep your enemies close and your exes even closer.

HMB: Hey, I have a funny story to tell you.

EXG: Cool. Go on...

[HMB verbally cuts and pastes conversation from before.]

HMB: Is this you?

EXG: [VERY MANY VERY BAD WORDS ANGER RAGE AND INDIGESTION] (Disconnects)



I swear I will never understand women.

...or is that "men"?

I find out more.


Edit: My ex has returned to the discussion and assures me she was never a man. I'll take her word for it.
Last edited by HuManBing on Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

Fear check story:

Ok, so im wit my hunney making out when da phone rings. person on phone with deep voce was all liek "what you doin with my daughter?"

i tell my hune and she say "My dads ded".

SO WHO WAS PHONE?
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

Horror check.

What if... HMB ruled the internet???

Image
User avatar
Isabella
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 1859
Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 12:54 am

Post by Isabella »

SPAMBOT!!!!!!
"No, but evil is still being — Is having reason — Being reasonable! Mousie understands? Is always being reason. Is punishing world for not being... Like in head. Is always reason. World should be different, is reason."
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

Don't worry, I've already reported it. Check this post in the Site Feedback thread. Soon we will be free of this spammer's merciless regime.
Last edited by HuManBing on Tue Aug 28, 2012 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Zettaijin
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 667
Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
Gender: Male
Location: Himeji, Japan

Post by Zettaijin »

You've done humanity a great service, H.
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

Zettaijin wrote:You've done humanity a great service, H.
*modest HMB*

Please, Zettajin... I...

(looks away)

...I don't want thanks...
User avatar
Joël of the FoS
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6644
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2003 1:24 pm
Gender: Male
Location: St-Damien, Québec

Post by Joël of the FoS »

As a long-time mod here, I now wonder if we should define more precisely the goals and aim that makes this site's foundations...

... and what it ain't! i.e. an asylum for the disturbed and for the (your choice) in-denial.

Or is it what RL attracts?

Is RL that alien and weird?

:)
"A full set of (game) rules is so massively complicated that the only time they were all bound together in a single volume, they underwent gravitational collapse and became a black hole" (Adams)
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

...but I'm not in denial...!
User avatar
Zettaijin
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 667
Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:30 am
Gender: Male
Location: Himeji, Japan

Post by Zettaijin »

HuManBing wrote:...but I'm not in denial...!
Da Nile ain't in Egypt, honey, it's right in front of me! You better shape up and get rid of that loser, you too good for him! Know what I'm sayin'?

*Jenny Jones interrupts to announce a surprise makeover for all her guests*
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

It appears that this thread has digressed from its original intention, that being to bring up real-life examples of fear, horror, and madness that appertain to posters heretoforth to be named.

Shouldering my burden (as truly I must) of being the one to get things back on track, I present this scary tale.


Once, I wuz at zoo. Zoo wuz wied opin ezee to be lost in. O no, I thut, me iz lost! So I lookd at big map at wall. Big map say: "You are here"

I look. Is treu!!! Map say I iz heer and I iz relly heer!

SO HOW MAP KNOW!?!
User avatar
Joël of the FoS
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6644
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2003 1:24 pm
Gender: Male
Location: St-Damien, Québec

Post by Joël of the FoS »

:)
"A full set of (game) rules is so massively complicated that the only time they were all bound together in a single volume, they underwent gravitational collapse and became a black hole" (Adams)
User avatar
LadySoth
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 294
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 10:27 am
Location: Enduring a Thousand Injuries of Fortunato . . .

Post by LadySoth »

Applying for grad schools and scholarships all weekend is real life horror and madness. :roll:
~ L A D Y S O T H ~

"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

I feel your pain. One Master's in Journalism and one law degree later, it's a miracle I'm even sane.

As this thread clearly shows.
User avatar
HuManBing
Evil Genius
Evil Genius
Posts: 3748
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am
Contact:

Post by HuManBing »

Here is a story about love and romance. I include it to break up the sheer high-intensity fear horror and madness that is in this thread. Please enjoy:

STARBUCKS LOVE

So I met this girl who worked at Starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn’t really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unbuttoned my shirt, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I’ve ever seen and says:
We have 2 observers, A and B, traveling apart from each other at 0.9c, relative with regard to each other. A launches a rocket ship R toward B which undergoes constant acceleration (note: constant acceleration does not necessarily mean what you think it does in this context). A sees R starting at 0 velocity. What is the velocity of R that B sees? The same as A's, of course; 0.9c (away from B). After some time A sees R having 0.9c velocity (toward B). What velocity does B see R as having? 0! Some later time A sees R having 0.99c velocity (toward B). What velocity does B see R as having? To answer this question you actually need to know relativity. The answer is 0.826c (toward B). So B saw R initially flying away from him, slowing to a halt and then flying toward him faster and faster. A saw R initially at rest, then flying toward B faster and faster. So according to A R's speed was increasing from the first moment. But no matter how fast R goes there's always some observer who will tell you that R is at rest (or even going the opposite direction to the one A thinks it's going)
and I’m like “No way, you had candy for breakfast?” She replies, “Not candy! Reese’s puffs cereal!” So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She buttons my shirt back up and says “And it’s part of this complete breakfast!”
Last edited by HuManBing on Tue Sep 29, 2009 6:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Post Reply