Starcrossed: A Ravenloft Comic Discussion

[NeoTiamat]

So, what alchemical craziness is Girot up to now? Off-hand, I figure its something to get rid of those scars, but it could be something more ominous, like whatever it was that caused the place to explode in the first place.

Also.... did anyone figure out what was Significant about the kid's blood?

[Isabella]

Comic 51: Dear readers, I feel I should emphasize that this work of fiction is not meant to convey any morals, nor are the characters meant to be role models of any kind.

Also, the definition of what a good idea is changes when you can call upon the power of your god and create tiny miracles every day.

[Kaitou Kage]

Comic 51: It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

>->
<-<

[ewancummins]

ZORK!


Still faithfully following the tale.

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Whoa, looks like Marie's a crack shot!


Maybe she and Phantom's Raph could get together for a sharpshooting contest?

[NeoTiamat]

Marie is a pistoleer. Well, I certainly did not see *that* one coming.

Also...... she is scary looking in those goggles.

[Phantom of the Sketchbook]

So the question remains, was she 'granted life' before, or after the fire?

[DocBeard]

Saaaaaaay, is that the devil speaking out of her?

Yes, I'm doing a Joel Robinson being suspicious at the Mads voice, there.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

Isabella ... these last few pages, with the revelation about the girl's original personality draining away and her parents actually being happy with the change ... That is harrowing. An excellent piece of writing. You have my compliments, even if it did make me feel horrible inside.

[Isabella]

And that's a wrap, folks! The two page "epilogue" of sorts will go up tomorrow and Friday, and then we will take a short hiatus while I fall over. We will be back soon, possibly with a slower update schedule on my part, possibly with a better name.

In the mean time, you can comment on chapter one. Tell me what you liked and didn't like (I've already been told it was too long, too hard to follow etc.) or just let me know if you've already lost interest in the whole thing. (In fact, if it's the latter, please tell me, since this is quite a lot of work to do!)

[ewancummins]

Too long? Not in my opinion.

[Phantom of the Sketchbook]

*claps his hands* bravo Isabella, bravo!

The work you've put into that comic is impressive. First thing I'll say is that I've noticed you've got a whole "do the ends justify the means" theme going on. Your characters are very human. I get the feeling that what Petite is is going to be left to hang for at least a little while. I neat way to take the story would be to have her involved in several strange occurrences that bring to question what the right or wrong thing to do is. Then have the end of each subplot bring a twist that shows her that sometimes little evils can do great good, and little acts of kindness can be devastating. Blurring the line between good and evil is not only akin to Ravenloft, but also a great way to flavor her own back story. Then again, you might have something else completely different, and a million times more gripping in stock for us.

We still don't know how much of an 'angel', 'demon', 'god' or other entity she is. She could be the avatar of swiss cheese for all we know.

And wait a second here: Too long, and too hard to follow? By who's accord? It might be too hard to follow for 12 year old Jimbo who's only read single strip comics before. But frankly I doubt that's the audience you're going for here. I haven't noticed any obvious problems in pacing or structure. Granted, people less trained for comics can't just glance through like they could in Ctrl+Alt+Delete or XKCD, but I don't think that's what you're going for here. Some of the greatest Graphic novels of all time (i.e. Sandman series, The Watchmen, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) are not comics that someone can casually glance through.

The trick with writing comics that are less mainstream is that it takes a longer time to get your target audience hooked. Were you to set up a site and advertise this comic on The Web Comic list, it would probably take at least a year before you saw a substantial number of hits on a regular basis. That's not to say that's the fault of your comic, on the contrary it's very well written and I've been enjoying it greatly so far. It's just the way the cookie crumbles when it comes to web-comic audiences. They're a fickle bunch that shy from comics that make you think, and flock to comics that involve pink haired fox people with giant boobs.

However, once you get your target audience hooked, you'll have a much more loyal audience than the mainstream web comic crew. One that's more likely to show their appreciation for your work.

What you need to do is make this comic at your own pace, for your own reasons. From experience I can tell you that writing a web comic only for the sake of other people will destroy you. As selfish as it sounds, only write something for free if you'll enjoy doing it. If you can only update once a week, then so be it. If you need to take a month hiatus here and there, so be it.

Run with your guns, do what you like, and don't let other people tell you it's too this or too that. Mind you, if someone recommends a great way to improve the effect you're trying to have, awesome! But if someone tells you 'It's too long' or 'It's too complicated', they're really not part of your target audience. Stay cool, and don't let the peanuts gallery wear you down .

[DocBeard]

Feedback, you say?! Let's see here.

First, I want to say kudos for the speed and consistancy of your work. Adventure comics aren't exactly easy to do, and you've either got a hell of a backlog or some amazing endurance to work as quickly as you do, with as few mistakes and as intricate a shading style as you use. That's an achievement in and of itself, and something you should be proud of.

Now, let's move on to the criticism! (whoope.)

While just "too long" is, in fact, nonsense, what was actually accomplished here? The main character was introduced, as were supporting characters, something terrible happened, a suicide was prevented, and Bittersweet End was achieved. Throught the entire piece, I had this feel of, 'Okay, when's the title page going to show up? We've had the cold opening for a while now and I'd like a theme song so I can get something to eat, plz.'-in other words, the structure of the piece is that of a cold opening, designed to draw the reader in.

Some of this is inevitable, you're doing a serial story in a limited visual-textual medium, there's never enough space or time to introduce as much as you'd like as well as you'd like. That's why comic books use splash pages with little bits of info about the main characters-it ensures that the names are easy to remember.

But, still, at times it felt like we were being ping ponged around with Our Heroine, just going from one horror to another without a chance to react with anything other than a shocked look. That's good sometimes, but you also want your characters to be able to be proactive, or at least catch their breath. Minions are good for that; your leads can handle a lesser threat or challange, and then get back to "Oh
shit." when the real threat reveals itself. While I'm using/picturing a fight(This is D&D after all.), it can be applied to other hazards, from fires, to social challanges, to internal struggle. It seems like you're leading up to having the protagonists distinguish themselves as protagonists, rather than simply witnesses, but it hasn't really gelled in my mind yet, though the end conflict was pretty impressive.

As a note-I always lean towards a more pulp experience in my writing. Monsters, dramatic conflicts, witty banter, it's meat and drink to me. I tried to keep my criticism neutral-you'll note I don't say, "Man, I'd love to see some adventuring, possibly even a dungeon or a dragon, or just a flashy spell cast." or "Man, this reminds me how weird it is seperating "alchemists" from wizards, since D&D wizards are essentially scientists in a magical paradgim, I dunno how I'd class your cool scarred alchemist guy." despite thinking this during the reading, because I know that's more a matter of personal taste than literary merit. Regardless, the tendency should be noted: If I had my druthers, I'd write comics about Van Richten fighting Strahd's pet cyborg bear atop a zepplin posed to land right into Azalin's castle, exploding the place and anyone foolish enough to be too close to it.

Now, the positive! You've told a solid Ravenloft story that's interesting, with intriguing characters whom I just admitted my primary complaint with is that I'd like to see more of them instead of rolling backgrounds. You achieve the tricky combination of the mundane and the fantastic that Ravenloft needs to feel like Ravenloft-the people cooking street food feel as real as the twisted mystical machinery, and vice versa, and it is crucial that they both feel this way. It's a world where reason and logic are powerful, but also a world where elves and vampires and sorcorers are a part of every day life, and that means they have to feel like part of every day life.

Art wise, my only real criticism is that your kids sometimes look pretty similar, though that is partially because Sourigani peasents don't have many clothing options. On a less professional note, I to'lly wanna see you draw one of the big, flashy, third level 'kill you' wizard spells, like fireball, or lightning bolt or something, because damn that'd be sweet.

Okay, back to pretending to be a professional: So far, so good. I want to see more of what you have to offer. My biggest piece of advice is to remember that you're not writing a novel, you're writing individual chapters that have to stand on their own as well as be a part of a larger tapestry of a story. It's not a killer yet, but I see the potential for a negative trend that should be nipped in the bud. Keep up the good work.

[Phantom of the Sketchbook]

If I had my druthers, I'd write comics about Van Richten fighting Strahd's pet cyborg bear atop a zepplin posed to land right into Azalin's castle, exploding the place and anyone foolish enough to be too close to it.

And here I thought I was screwing around with Ravenloft's style.

[DocBeard]

If Van Richten fighting cyborg bears is wrong, I don't want to be right.