One Piece at a Time
Ravenloft Play - GenCon 1999
By Sean K Reynolds
The Cast
Victoria - Janet Cole
Max - Sean K Reynolds
Olaf the Brute - Shawn Carnes
Len the Strong - Ed Stark
H.G. the Traveling Minstrel - Stan!
Elsa - Miranda Horner
Johan - Steve Miller
Bartok - Doug Steves
Sam the Fantastic - Harold Johnsos
Alhandra the Just - Julie Mazurek
Act One
[Lights up, full stage. A man enters with flowers, escorted by another man. A woman is partly visible on the far side.]
Max: Victoria, my love? I am here!
Olaf: I will take you to her, sir, she is in the library.
Max: No need, Olaf, I know where the study is! I have been there a
hundred times working with her father.
Olaf: Yes, but it’s my job.
Max: Really, Olaf, I can do it myself.
Olaf: All right. [exits]
[Max walks to other side of stage.]
Max: There you are, my darling! I brought these for you. [hands
over the flowers]
Victoria: Flowers, Max? You are so sweet.
Max: I know. When we are married I will bring you flowers every
day.
Victoria: Oh, Maximillian, there is no need for that. All I need is
your love.
Max: You have that now.
Victoria: True. If only my father had lived through the winter. He
would have loved to have seen us married.
Max: He was a good man, and an excellent surgeon. I only hope that I
can someday be half the doctor he was. Speaking of which, I must be off.
Mrs. Brown is due to give birth any day now and I would like to see how she
is doing. I shall call again tomorrow.
Victoria: Goodbye, Maximillian.[they embrace]
[Max exits]
Victoria: [sighs] Four weeks until we are married. What joy. [exits]
[lights down, then up. Olaf and Len are talking at a table.]
Olaf: I can’t believe how silly they are together. “I-love-you-this”
and “Have-some-flowers-that.” It’s disgusting.
Len: I dunno, I think it’s romantic.
Olaf: Romantic? Bah! You don’t need of that stuff to get a woman!
You just need to be big, and strong, and confident, and the girls will be
all over you! No need for this romance, it gets in the way when you want
them to leave you alone.
Len: Well, I can see how well it has worked out for you. Or maybe it’s
because you still live at home with your mother.
Olaf: Yaaa … shut up! My mother is a very kind woman!
Len: Of course she is.
[A loud scream happens offstage. Elsa runs in.]
Len: What is it, Elsa?
Elsa: It’s doctor Maximillian! His horse caught its leg in a hole
and threw him. He’s broken his neck! He’s dead! [She runs off the other
side of the stage.]
Len: Oh no, miss Victoria isn’t going to take this well.
Olaf: Great, now we’re going to have weeks of her crying all over the place. Well, let’s go pick up his body.
[They exit]
[lights down, then up. Victoria is sitting at a table, looking grim and tear-stricken. Elsa is trying to comfort her.]
Elsa: There, there now, miss Victoria. I hear it was quick – he
didn’t suffer.
Victoria: [silence]
Elsa: I know this is hard, after losing your father only a few
months ago, but you must be strong. They both would have wanted you to be
strong.
Victoria: [silence]
[enter Olaf and Len, carrying Max’s body. They place him on the floor near stage rear.]
Len: Miss Victoria, we brought him in for you so you could say goodbye
to him. Then we’ll take him down to the gravedigger’s.
Olaf: Better, hurry, too, or he’ll start stinkin’ up the place.
Len: [whispering] Shut up, you idiot! You’re going to make her
cry!
Olaf: You’re the idiot! [smacks Len]
Len: Don’t hit me! [smacks Olaf]
[They begin to scuffle. Victoria becomes visibly agitated, and finally stands.]
Victoria: Enough! I will not have you two fighting while my betrothed lies dead on the floor. Compose yourselves and move out of the way. [They do. She moves to the body.] Goodbye, my sweet. If only …. [She waits, then stands.]
Len: Shall we take him away now, miss Victoria?
Victoria: No. Take him to the cellar and put him on the ice
blocks.
Olaf: What?
Victoria: You heard me! Put his body on ice! And be gentle!
Len: Yes, miss Victoria.
Olaf: Right away.
Victoria: Elsa, I will be in my father’s study. [she exits]
[Olaf and Len begin carrying the body out]
Olaf: On ice … gaa, I hope she doesn’t think she can make us eat him
or something.
Len: Shut up, Olaf, and don’t drop your end.
[they exit]
[Lights down. Victoria, Max, Olaf, and Len take their positions. Lights up. Max’s severed head is attached by wires to a electrical switch on a table with bottles and stuff.]
Olaf: I can’t believe she cut his head off. That’s just plain
sick.
Len: I don’t claim to understand it, either, but I’m not paid to
answer questions, I just lift things.
Olaf: I’m just glad we didn’t have to eat him.
Victoria: I have been studying my father’s notes on the chemical
reactions of corpses and the preservation of tissues. He was making
remarkable progress in this work, and he believes that he soon would be
able to remove a healthy and undecayed part from a cadaver and surgically
attach it in the place of a damaged part of a living person. His notes are
incomplete, but I have taken his research to heart and think that I can use
it to progress to the next step.
Olaf: What next step?
Len: Oh, I think I know where this is going.
Victoria: Shall we begin? [pauses, steels herself. flips
electrical switch. Max’s eyes open.]
Olaf: Gaaaa! He opened his eyes!
Len: Wha … wha … he’s …
Victoria: Maximillian?
Max: Hello? What happened? Everything is blurry … hello? I hear
someone there … Victoria, are you there?
Victoria: It’s me, Max. I’m with you.
Max: Where am I? I remember riding, and falling? Was I hurt? I can’t
feel my legs! I can’t feel anything … have I broken my neck?
Victoria: Yes … yes, Max, you were thrown from your horse. You broke
your neck.
Max: By Ezra’s shield, no! I … I cannot be a husband for you if I am
confined to a bed!
Olaf: Well, actually, heh heh…
Len: Shut up! [hits him]
Victoria: Max, there is more that you need to know.
Max: Yes, tell me … ah, my eyes are clearing up, I can see you. You
are lovely as ever. My love, tell me what has happened. And why are these
wires on my head?
Victoria: You see, Max, you … were killed when your horse threw you.
I used my father’s notes to bring you back to life with chemicals and
electricity.
Max: I was dead, with a broken neck, and you somehow brought me
back? This is amazing! I knew your father was a talented doctor, but this
is almost beyond belief! Can you repair my injuries?
Victoria: Yes, I can … but your injuries are not what you think they
are.
Max: What? What do you mean?
Victoria: If you can … bend your neck and look at yourself.
Max: All right, I … aaah! Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah! My body! Where is my
body? Victoria, what have you done to me? Aaaaaahhhhhh!
Victoria: [runs over and flips switch; Max becomes inert]
Olaf: Well, that could have gone better.
Len: Miss Victoria … you cannot do this! It is terribly cruel and a
corrupt thing to do! Especially to the man you love.
Victoria: What am I paying you for?
Len: To … to lift things.
Victoria: That’s right, so keep your opinions locked up in that
thick skull of yours. And as for doing this to the man I love … I am trying
to save him! I can take parts from dead bodies and make him whole again.
Then we can be together.
Olaf: That’s just really gross. I don’t think I want to have
anything to do with this.
Victoria: Really, Olaf? Well, I’m sure you’ll find someone else to
hire you, but I doubt your wages would be enough to help you take care of
your poor sick mother. I’m afraid she would waste away if it weren’t for
the salary my father established for you.
Olaf: I’m … I’m sorry, miss Victoria. Please, I would like to
stay.
Victoria: I thought so. Now, you two should lurk about the
gravedigger’s to see if there are any recent deaths. I shall repair him in
stages, starting with the neck and chest, so any new corpse must be intact
in those areas.
Len: We are off.
Olaf: [to Len] By all that’s holy … who knew that in that
love-struck girl there lurked such a bitch! [the exit]
[the men exit. Victoria pauses, then activates the switch again.]
Max: What? Ah, hello? I felt very strange for a moment. Victoria! My
love! What has … wait. Wait! You have made an obscenity of me! How can —
[she muffles his mouth]
Victoria: Do not scream, Maximillian. Let me explain this to you.
You were dead. I couldn’t live without you. I have found a way for us to be
together again. This is the way. Now I will remove my hand, and we will
talk, all right? [she does]
Max: But Victoria, look at me! I am an abomination! I am not a man,
I am a thing for a vistani to hide in his tent and charge a small coin to
see. What is the point of being together if I am like this?
Victoria: But you won’t be like this for long, Max. With my father’s
notes, I have found a way to transfer body parts from fresh cadavers onto
living flesh. I will rebuild your body until you are whole again.
Max: And until then? Look at me, I am utterly helpless! Am I to sit
here all day on a shelf?
Victoria: You don’t have to remain awake … I shut off your mind when
you started screaming at me. I can keep you asleep like that except when I
have given you new flesh. Then you will see your progress, and you will be
pleased. Will that satisfy you?
Max: Yes … yes, that will satisfy me. Please, Victoria, make me
sleep now. I cannot stand to be like this.
Victoria: Very well, my sweet. Until I wake you again. [she shuts him off]
[lights down. Olaf, Len, and Johan are on stage. Lights up.]
Len: I’m very sorry to hear about your brother, Johan.
Johan: Yes, being stampeded by his own cattle, it is quite a
tragedy.
Olaf: So, exactly what were the extent of his injuries? Did he get
beat up real good?
Johan: What?
Len: [Glaring at Olaf] What he means is, how was he hurt?
Johan: Oh, well, he was flailing around a lot on the ground, and I
guess the cattle broke his legs, stepped on his stomach a few hundred
times, and broke an arm, too.
Olaf: Ah, but his chest and the other arm were OK, right?
Johan: I guess so … but he died anyway, so I don’t see the point of
your question.
Olaf: Ah, nothing, just making conversation. So, anyway, sorry about
your brother, see you later.
Len: Yes, goodbye now.
Johan: [Looks confused.] Right, I have a smithy to run, after
all. [exits]
Olaf: So, got a shovel?
Len: [sighs] Let’s get to work.
[lights down. Victoria, Max, Olaf, and Len are on stage. Lights up.]
Victoria: The procedure seems to have worked. Shall we wake him
up?
Olaf: Hey, never use the word “procedure” on a man, it’s
embarrassing.
Victoria: What?
Len: Yes, miss Victoria, let’s wake him up.
[Victoria flips the switch.]
Max: Hello? Ah, I am awake again. What is news?
Victoria: Look down and see for yourself.
Max: Ah, there is more of me! And I have an arm! Now this is an
improvement. But what happened to the other one?
Victoria: These parts came from a man that was trampled to death.
His other arm was too damaged to use.
Max: Very well, then, this is better than nothing, and remarkable
progress. What’s next?
Victoria: Olaf and Len will have to find another fresh body for us
to use. Until then, we wait.
Max: Very well. [gestures with his hand toward her and takes her
hand when she approaches.] Forgive me, my love, for doubting you.
You are as much a genius as your father was. [kisses her hand] Now,
if there is nothing else, please let me have the dreamless sleep, for I
wish to be complete again.
Victoria: As you wish, my love. [shuts him off]
Olaf: So now what?
Victoria: You’ll have to find me more fresh bodies, of course. You
may have to go to other towns, just so it doesn’t seem suspicious that you
hang around our gravedigger all the time.
Len: We’ll need some expense money if we’re staying in another
town.
Victoria: Yes, of course. Just don’t spend it all drinking and come back empty-handed.
[lights down. Max goes offstage, Len and Olaf are sitting at a table. Lights up]
[Victoria storms in]
Victoria: I cannot believe that there have been no suitable bodies
in any of the nearby towns! It has been over a month! People die all the
time, just not around here, apparently.
Len: We could go to towns that are farther away.
Victoria: No, the deterioration that sets in soon after death makes
their bodies unusable for this purpose.
Olaf: Well, too bad, I guess we’ll just have to wait around, oh
well, what a tragedy.
Victoria: No! I have been waiting long enough as it is. Tomorrow was
supposed to be our wedding day.
Len: Hey, congratulations!
Victoria: [waves an irritated hand at him] What am I going to
do. [pause] The man who died – you said he had a brother?
Olaf: Yep, that’s Johan. Nice guy.
Victoria: What does he do? Is he a farmer? A blacksmith?
Len: He runs one of the blacksmith shops, yes, and has a small
farm.
Victoria: Excellent. I want you to invite him here.
Olaf: What, you gonna buy some of his animals from him?
Victoria: Something like that.
Olaf: You think animal parts will work on fixing doctor Max?
Victoria: Something like that. Just invite him over. We can have Elsa make a roast, or you can play cards, I don’t care. Just have him over, and soon.
[she exits]
Len: I wonder what she’s up to.
Olaf: I don’t care — Elsa’s makin’ a roast! That’s good eatin’!
Len: You’re easy to please.
Olaf: Mmmm, roast….
[they exit]
[lights down. Olaf, Len, and Johan are seated around a table playing cards. Lights up.]
Johan: … and that’s a full house for me!
Len: I don’t believe it.
Olaf: Yaaaa … fine, you win again. Razzin’ frazzin’ full house….
Johan: You guys are awful at this game.
Olaf: Aw, shaddup. [yells] Elsa, when’s that roast going to
be done?
Elsa: [from offstage] Just a few more minutes, now leave me be!
[Victoria enters]
Victoria: Oh, hello, gentlemen. And welcome, Johan. So sorry to hear
about your brother.
Johan: Thank you, miss Victoria. I don’t think even your father
could have saved him. But his spirit is with Ezra now.
Victoria: Yes, I am sure it is. Are you enjoying your game?
Johan: Why, yes, very much so!
Len: Of course you are, you’ve won almost every hand. If I hadn’t
marked these cards myself, I would have thought that you were cheating.
Johan: What?
Len: Ah, nothing, just a bad joke.
Victoria: Johan, did you see that painting over there?
[points]
Johan: Which one? [turns to look] [Victoria whacks him on the head with bludgeon]
Len: What did you just do?!?!
Victoria: What do you think I just did? We need his body parts to
restore Maximillian.
Len: But … you hit him on the head? You’re going to kill him?
Olaf: Sure, he’d probably prefer that to trying to get about with
his chest and arm cut off.
Victoria: Shut up!
Len: Shut up!
Victoria: Quickly, take him to the workroom. I want to finish this
before he has a chance to wake up.
Len: Miss Victoria, I can’t take part in this.
Victoria: Oh, really, Len? And who are they going to believe killed
poor Johan, here? Me? Daughter of a doctor? Or you, a man he was gambling
with?
Len: But … you can’t … Olaf, you’ll vouch for me, won’t you?
Olaf: [turns away] I’m sorry, Len … I have to take care of my
mother, and, you know….
Len: Damn you, and may the mists take you while you walk at night!
Now help me move this damn body.
Olaf: Right away.
[lights down. Olaf, Len, Max, and Victoria are present. Lights up.]
Victoria: Well, shall we see how he likes his new parts?
Olaf: Why didn’t we use all of Johan again? That would be easier,
wouldn’t it?
Victoria: I studied Johan before I cut him up. He has a bad knee,
and I want Max to be perfect.
Len: How are we going to account for Johan’s disappearance. Everyone
knows we invited him to play cards tonight.
Victoria: That is not my concern – you figure it out. Say he left
here perfectly healthy and people will assume he was eaten by wolves on the
way back. Now enough talk, let’s see how Max is. [flips switch] Max,
my darling, how do you feel?
Max: What? That is so incredibly disorienting! Hello! How much time
has passed?
Victoria: Over a month!
Max: A month! Amazing! And look, I have two arms and a torso now!
I’ve half a mind to be half a man, if I may make a bad joke.
Victoria: How do you feel?
Max: Quite good, actually. My neck itched before, but now it seems
to be much better healed. I suppose the same will happen with the other
surgeries as well, eh?
Victoria: Max, I promise that I shall soon have a whole body for
you.
Max: And then we will be together! Wonderful. Olaf, Len, you look so
out of sorts! Cheer up, I’ll be up and about in no time!
Len: Yes, doctor.
Olaf: Yes, doctor.
Max: Well, as I have two arms now, I don’t see the need in me
sleeping all the time. Perhaps you could leave me awake a while and give me
something to read? I’d ask for something to eat but I don’t seem to be that
hungry. Of course, I’m quite new to having a stomach again and so perhaps
it will take some time for my brain to figure it out.
Victoria: I’ll find you something to read, Max. [exits]
[Olaf and Len move to far side of stage]
Len: So, where are we going to hide Johan’s body?
Olaf: I dunno, same as the other one, I guess.
Len: I wonder how long this is going to go on.
Olaf: Until he can walk around on his own, I’d think.
Len: You realize that once he’s whole, she won’t need us any
more.
Olaf: Huh?
Len: She’ll have a husband. They can’t live here together, because
people know he’s dead, so they’ll have to move away. And they won’t want us
telling stories.
Olaf: What, she’ll kill us? I’m too big and strong for her to kill
me.
Len: Let’s just be careful.
[Victoria returns with a book.]
Victoria: Here you go, my love.
Max: Excellent! Thank you very much. I shall begin reading, post-haste.
[Elsa enters]
Elsa: Miss Victoria, there is a minstrel at the door. He’d like to
perform for us in exchange for dinner and a few coins.
Victoria: I don’t need a stupid minstrel singing off-key tunes in my
home. Just because we live in a manor house doesn’t mean that we want …
wait, no, please show him in, we will be happy to receive him.
Elsa: Yes, miss Victoria. [exits]
Victoria: Max, I’m certain this minstrel won’t understand your
situation. You should remain here.
Max: Of course! I have my book to keep me company. Enjoy the singing.
[Lights down. Max leaves. Olaf, Len, Victoria, are seated, with H.G. standing.]
Victoria: Was the food Elsa made for you adequate?
H.G.: Oh, yes, miss, it was quite tasty. You are very generous.
Victoria: So, my maid tells me that you are a travelling minstrel.
Are you from around here?
H.G.: No, miss, I was born in the far end of the realm. I have been
traveling since I reached my fourteenth year.
Victoria: Remarkable. Have you ever been to this town before?
H.G.: No, miss, this is the farthest I have ever traveled from my
home town. I have to say that your home is one of the nicer places that I’d
had the pleasure to perform at.
Victoria: You are very kind. Now, I assume that your initials stand
for a given name?
H.G.: Yes, miss, Hoggart Grenberg, but it’s a very unwieldy name, so
I shortened it.
Victoria: Interesting. Well, would you like to begin?
H.G.: If I may, miss.
Victoria: Olaf, you have been wanting to learn more about singing.
Stand near the man and pay close attention to how he uses his voice.
Olaf: Err, miss Victoria?
Victoria: Don’t be shy, Olaf, go on ahead.
Olaf: Ah, okay.
H.G.: Well, my first song is called “The Ballad of the Endless Century Curse.” It is a tragic story of a family whose men were cursed to die at a young age until one managed to live to be one hundred.
[H.G. closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as if to begin singing.
Victoria: makes a pointed gesture from Olaf to H.G.
Olaf bops H.G. on the head]
H.G.: [in Hadjii voice] Oh, my goodness! [falls]
[Elsa enters.]
Elsa: SCREAM! [exits]
Victoria: Quickly! Take him to the workroom!
[Lights down. Max enters with book. Johan is present in ghost makeup. Lights up.]
[Victoria enters]
[Johan lurks around Max and makes threatening gestures at Victoria for the course of this scene.]
Max: Victoria, I heard a scream! What has happened?
Victoria: Worry not, my love. It turns out the minstrel was actually
a thief. He pulled a knife and scared Elsa, but Olaf walked into the
kitchen and knocked him cold. They have taken him to town to have the
constable locked him up.
Max: So you are safe?
Victoria: Yes, worry not.
Max: Very well, then.
Victoria: Perhaps when they return, they will have heard if another
person has died.
Max: Yes, more parts for me. I do feel rather morbid waiting for
people to die so that I may be complete again, but I doubt my thinking such
things causes anyone to suffer misfortune.
Victoria: I’m sure you are correct.
Max: Well, I am feeling tired, and I don’t think I can get
comfortable unless I can lie down properly. Would you mind giving me the
sleep again?
Victoria: Of course not, Maximillian. Rest well. [walks to switch]
[lights down. 2 minute intermission.]
Act Two
[Max, Victoria, Johan’s ghost, and H.G.’s ghost are present]
[Both ghosts hover around Max and threaten Victoria during the scene, but cannot touch her.]
Victoria: Time to see how you like the new additions, Max. [flips
switch]
Max: What? Ah, I am awake again. And look, I have legs! Or part of
them, at least.
Victoria: Yes, Olaf and Len found that a man had been killed
yesterday. They bought his corpse from the family and I used some of him on
you.
Max: Only part of the legs, though?
Victoria: Yes, well, he spent all day on his feet and so he had very
rough and hard feet. Oh, and his lower legs were somewhat misshapen. I want
you to be perfect, and so I thought you would feel better about having no
lower legs than having bent ones that we’d have to take away later.
Max: I understand. Perhaps we could get a wheeled conveyance so I
could get about on my own?
Victoria: I shall see if I can find such a thing, or have one
made.
Max: Thank you. Then we could go outside, where we used to take our
walks in the sun.
Victoria: That would be wonderful, Max. I have missed our walks.
Max: Soon, my sweet blossom.
Victoria: [sigh, twitter] All right, I have some things to
attend to. Will you be all right with your book.
Max: Yes, it is quite engrossing.
Victoria: Goodbye, then.
Max: Goobye.
[Victoria exits. Max begins reading.]
Johan: Look at him. He’s got one arm from my brother and one from
me! Arm thief!
H.G.: You’re not the only one suffering here, he’s wearing my flesh,
too.
Johan: This is like some terrible curse. Are we to follow him around
forever?
H.G.: I don’t know … I’ve tried to move from him, but I can’t seem
to get more than about twenty feet away. Maybe we are tied to him because
he is made up of our bodies?
Johan: Maybe. But why isn’t my brother here?
H.G.: Did they kill your brother, too?
Johan: No, he was killed in an accident.
H.G.: So his ghost is free to move on, while we’re stuck here
because we were murdered. [yells at Max] LET US GO!
Johan: Yeah! WE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!
[Max starts, and looks around.]
Max: Is … is someone there?
H.G.: He hears us!
Max: Hello?
Johan: CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Max: I hear someone … who is it?
Johan: IT’S ME, JOHAN!
Max: I can’t see who it is…?
Johan: I’M A GHOST.
H.G.: Knock it off with the yelling, he can hear you already.
Max: Two … two of you, I hear you, what do you want?
H.G.: We’re ghosts! You wear our dead body parts!
Johan: Your woman killed us!
Max: That’s not true! Victoria is sweet and gentle, and would never
hurt anyone!
Johan: A lie! She struck me on the head herself!
H.G.: And she had one of her servants club me when all I was going
to sing!
Max: You lie! She said that the minstrel was a bandit and drew a
knife on Elsa!
H.G.: No, she fed me dinner and asked me to sing, and then cut me
apart to add to you!
Max: I must be going mad, I can’t believe I’m hearing these things.
Stop speaking!
Johan: We won’t stop talking to you until we’re free!
H.G.: And we get vengeance for our deaths!
Johan: Vengeance! Yes, vengeance is good!
H.G.: Thank you, I’m quite proud of that one myself.
Max: Stop! Stop it! Get out of my head!!!!
[Victoria enters]
Victoria: Max, Max, what’s wrong, I heard you yelling!
Max: They’re here … voices in my head, saying horrible things!
[ghosts try to grab Victoria]
Johan: Why can’t we touch her?
H.G.: I don’t know, keep trying.
Max: NO! Don’t you touch her!
Victoria: Max! Stop it! There’s nobody there!
Max: Sleep, Victoria, make me sleep … I … urk. [clutches
chest]
Victoria: Max, what’s wrong?
Max: Chest … pains me … please …
Victoria: Yes! All of this is upsetting you. [runs to switch and turns him off]
H.G.: What was that about?
Johan: The men in my family have bad hearts. I guess he has the same
problem, now.
H.G.: Serves him right.
Johan: Yes, but this isn’t his doing, it’s hers. We have to find a way to stop her.
Victoria: You’re oppressed by these walls. I need to get you outside. Forget the wheeled chair, I must find you a good pair of legs.
H.G.: I wonder what poor fool they’re going to get for that.
Johan: May Ezra protect him.
[lights down. Scene with Olaf and Len walking. Lights up.]
Olaf: So, Len, how are we going to do this one? How am I supposed to
know what she thinks are a good pair of legs?
Len: I have it covered. I asked Elsa who she though the most
handsome man in town was, and she told me Bartok, the mayor’s son. The most
handsome man has to have great legs, of course.
Olaf: You have a strange way of thinking. Anyway, how are we
supposed to get him to come to the house?
Len: Easy! He’s a handsome man, women like him, he knows a lot about
women.
Olaf: So?
Len: So … we tell him that you’ve been having some trouble with the
ladies, and you’d like his advice.
Olaf: Me? Why me? Why can’t it be you that’s having trouble with the
ladies?
Len: Because I thought of it.
Olaf: I’ll ro-sham-bo you for it.
Len: Nope.
Olaf: Damn.
[Bartok enters from opposite side of stage]
Len: Look, there he is. Bartok, hey!
Bartok: Yes? Ah, if it isn’t Len the strong himself! How are you on
this fine summer day?
Len: I am well, Bartok, and you.
Bartok: Life couldn’t be better. And you, Olaf, you big brute, how
are you?
Olaf: I’m doing-
Len: Actually, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about, Bartok.
[whispers] It seems that Olaf here would like some advice on meeting
young ladies.
Olaf: Grrr…. [glowers]
Bartok: Really? Well, I would be happy to give you whatever help I
can. Shall we grab a seat at the tavern?
Olaf: [glares at Len]
Len: Ah, no, Olaf’s a bit sensitive about this and wouldn’t want it
overheard. Perhaps you’d be willing to have dinner at the manor house where
we work?
Bartok: Why, yes, I haven’t been there in several years. Quite a
tragedy since the old doctor died, and his poor daughter, what with her
betrothed being killed as well.
Len: Yes, fortunately she seems to be recovering well, and has days
in which she is much like her old self. So, tomorrow night?
Bartok: Yes, I shall come a-calling tomorrow evening. Thank you for
the invitation and the opportunity to help.
Len: Thank you, Bartok, for your assistance. You are as generous as
your father, and I’m sure my friend Olaf will be helped greatly in his
troubles by your assistance. Good day!
[all exit]
[lights down. Voices can be heard.]
Bartok: Elsa, I must complement you on this excellent dinner.
Elsa: Thank you, mister Bartok.
Victoria: Good evening, Bartok.
Bartok: Miss Victoria! It is good to see you!
Victoria: And you, Bartok.
[loud thump]
Bartok: Oof!
[Elsa screams]
Victoria: Quickly –
Olaf: Yes, we know, the workroom….
[new scene. Max, Olaf, Len, Victoria, Johan’s ghost, H.G.’s ghost, and Bartok’s ghost.]
Victoria: Time to wake, Maximillian! [flips switch]
Max: Ah, what? Ah, hello, good to see you, my sweet. How are
things?
Victoria: A week has passed. And now you have legs!
Max: Why, it seems I do! Are they strong enough to walk upon?
Victoria: They should be. I would like to see you try them.
Max: All right, I will! [slowly stands] Well, look at
that!
Len: I don’t believe it.
Olaf: What, after all we’ve been through, you don’t believe this
part?
Len: Shut up, Olaf.
Victoria: Wonderful! Can you walk at all?
Max: We shall see. [slowly starts taking careful wobbly steps,
supporting himself if need be.] Not bad, although it seems that I
am ought of practice.
Victoria: It will return to you in time. Is there any pain?
Max: No pain. And the itching of the old surgeries has almost
completely faded.
Victoria: Well, don’t push yourself too hard – you still need time
to heal and regain your strength.
Max: All right, my love. [sits] Perhaps I could have
something to eat? I don’t feel hungry, but I’m sure I need it.
Victoria: I will have Elsa make you something light. Come, gentlemen, let him have some time to himself.
[Olaf, Len, and Victoria exit.]
Johan: So, Bartok, it seems that they got you, too.
Bartok: Yes, killed me in the kitchen. And now he has my legs!
H.G.: It seems that my legs weren’t good enough for her.
Bartok: So, are we stuck like this, bound to the physical world?
What an awful fate.
Johan: Not quite. See, if we talk to him, he can hear us.
Bartok: Really? Does he listen to us?
H.G.: No, he thinks he’s going mad when he hears us.
Bartok: That’s not as useful. But we have to find some way to make
him listen to us. [to Max] Hey! HEY! Doctor Maximillian!
Max: What?
Bartok: Doctor, it’s Bartok, the mayor’s son, do you remember
me?
Max: Yes, Bartok, of course! Are you outside the window?
Bartok: No, Max, I’m here with you.
Max: Where?
Bartok: You have my legs.
Max: What? But that would mean you’re dead!
Bartok: Right.
Max: And that would mean I’m talking to a ghost. This can’t be!
Ezra’s shield, protect me! Go away! You aren’t real!
H.G.: He’s very real, Max.
Johan: As real as we are.
Max: No! The other voices! Leave me alone!
Bartok: We can’t, Max. We’re trapped here because you have our body
parts. Because the woman had us killed to make you alive again!
Max: Lies, all lies! What demented humour in my brain is causing
these hallucinations?
Johan: No hallucinations, Max, just spirits that want justice. We
cannot rest until we are avenged!
Max: No! I won’t let you harm her!
H.G.: How can you stop us, Max? We’re ghosts!
Johan: Or just figments in your mind!
Bartok: [to Johan] Stop that, you’ll just confuse him even
more.
Johan: Sorry.
Max: Go away! Just leave me alone! LEAVE ME ALONE!
[Victoria enters]
Victoria: Max, you were screaming again! What’s wrong?
Max: The voices … my heart … oh, my heart … it hurts….
Victoria: I’ll stop the pain, max, I’ll stop the pain. [flips
switch]
Bartok: Amazing what power she has over him like that. [goes to
her] Set us free, you murderer! [tries to grab her, but his
hands are ineffectual] Set us free!
Victoria: What could be wrong with him? My poor Max. I shall have to
study my father’s notes some more. [exits]
Bartok: Damn.
Johan: Damn damn.
[lights down.]
[Max, Olaf, and Len are playing cards. Ghosts are lurking.]
Max: Hit me.
Olaf: Here ya go.
Len: All right, what do you have?
Max: Full house!
Olaf: Huh? That’s what Johan always got!
Max: Really? Who’s Johan?
Len: He’s one of your arms.
Max: Oh. [frowns.]
[Victoria enters.]
Victoria: Well, hello, Max! I see the boys are keeping you busy!
Max: Yes, it’s good to have company while my legs heal. You look
lovely today.
Victoria: You are far too kind, Maximillian.
Olaf: [makes annoyed faces]
Len: Max is remarkably good at cards, miss Victoria.
Victoria: How strange, Max, you told me you had never played cards
before.
Max: I know! Perhaps I have picked up the reflexes of the man whose
arm I now possess.
Victoria: Apparently there is more to this process than I had first
thought. Anyway, Max, are you hungry? I can have Elsa make you
something.
Max: No, thank you, my love. I do not feel hungry.
Victoria: But Max, you eat like a bird. I don’t know how you can get
by on that.
Max: I do not know, I only know that I am not much for dining and
yet my strength continues to increase.
Olaf: I’m hungry, I’ll take something!
Victoria: I’m sure you know where the kitchen is, Olaf. Get it yourself.
[Elsa enters, distraught.]
Elsa: Miss Victoria, there are a couple of travelers at the door.
They insist on seeing you! They wish to question you about some of the
strange deaths and disappearances that have been happening recently.
Victoria: Send them away, I have no need to talk to them.
Elsa: But miss Victoria, they insist and will not leave!
[enter Alhandra and Sam]
Alhandra: That is correct.
Victoria: Who are you, and who gave you permission to enter my
house!
Alhandra: I am Alhandra the Just.
Sam: And I am Sam the Fantastic! We are here under the authority of
the constable.
Alhandra: We are investigating the strange deaths and disappearances
that have occurring in this town over the past few months. Since most of
them occurred near your home or this is the last place these people were
seen, we thought to come to you first.
Victoria: Mysterious deaths … what mysterious deaths?
Sam: Well, first, we were told that your father died over the
winter. Then your fiancée was thrown from his horse and killed. Then
Marcus, a rancher, was trampled by his cattle.
Victoria: That man died on the other side of town!
Alhandra: Still, it is another death, and we haven’t yet ruled it
out as part of this strange series.
Sam: Then the rancher’s brother, Johan, was killed on the way back
from your house after a night of gambling, presumably by bandits. And a
minstrel was heard talking that he was going to sing for his dinner here.
And then your men invited Bartok the mayor’s son over, and he hasn’t been
seen since.
Victoria: And I told the constable that he never made it here! I
don’t know what happened to his son!
Alhandra: We aren’t accusing you, miss Victoria, we’re just going to
ask you some questions.
Max: What is all of this, Victoria?
Sam: Who is this man? The constable said you had only three
servants.
Victoria: He is my … cousin, yes, visiting from another town.
Sam: Really? And how long has this “cousin” been here? As long as
these strange deaths going on?
Max: I can assure you, sir, that I have not killed anyone.
Sam: I am afraid that your assurance does little good without any
evidence.
Alhandra: Now now, Sam, he doesn’t need evidence to prove he’s
innocent. Logically, the burden of proof lies in those looking for
truth.
Sam: Right, right, I always forget that part. So [to Max] you
may not have killed them yourself, but do you have any information about
the identity of the killer?
Max: Sir, I resent your implied accusation. I … urk …
Victoria: Max, what is it?
Max: My heart, again, my heart, oh, by Ezra’s shield this hurts more
than anything I have ever felt.
Johan: Hey, I didn’t do anything this time.
H.G.: Me, neither.
Victoria: [to Sam & Alhandra] Look what you’ve done!
Alhandra: I am sorry, we meant no harm to your cousin.
Victoria: Get out! Get out of my home! Leave now!
Sam: But we haven’t finished asking you questions yet!
Victoria: Len! Olaf! Get rid of them!
[Len & Olaf fight Sam & Alhandra. Finally, the adventurers fall. Elsa screams from offstage.]
Max: Victoria, make the pain stop! Make it stop!
Victoria: [looking at fallen adventurers] I will, my sweet, I will. Olaf! Take Max to his room. Then you two bring these meddlers to the workroom.
[Olaf carries Max and exits. Lights down.]
[New scene. Max in chair. Victoria, Olaf, Len, and Johan, H.G. and Bartok ghosts present.]
[Alhandra ghost and Sam ghost will enter when their makeup is done.]
Olaf: He doesn’t look any different.
Victoria: The man Johan had a bad heart, which is why Max was having
that pain. I replaced his heart with that of the woman. Her heart is
strong, and young.
Len: And what about the Sam guy? You had us put him on ice, too.
What part of him did you put on Max?
Victoria: [coughs] A lady doesn’t discuss such things.
Olaf: Whoa-ho! Miss Victoria!
Victoria: Enough! It’s time to wake up Max again.
[the two men whisper to each other and laugh. She ignores them.]
Victoria: Max, I hope this worked. And I hope you understand.
[flips switch]
Max: Yawn! Hello, Victoria! What has happened? I remember a great
pain in my chest and a lot of shouting.
Victoria: Some investigators came. They were curious about the
deaths of father, you, and the man Johan, and Bartok.
Max: Why were they here? And why was everyone so angry?
Victoria: Because I am not totally innocent in those events.
Max: What??
[ghosts smile and point at each other]
Victoria: We couldn’t find any more fresh bodies, and so we had no
more fresh parts for you. I was so anxious to have you whole again that I
did something I probably shouldn’t.
Max: What … what is that?
Victoria: I had Olaf and Len bring a man here, and kill him. We used
him for your torso and arm.
Max: You killed someone? Victoria, this is horrible!
Johan: [to Max] I TOLD you so!
Max: What…?
Victoria: Max, Max, I know, it is horrible, but I love you so much
and couldn’t have you dead or half a man any longer. Can you ever forgive
me?
Max: Is there any more you need to tell me?
H.G.: Oh, she’s just getting started!
Victoria: There have been others. A minstrel, and Bartok, and-
Max: You killed the mayor’s son!?! No wonder they were alarmed? What
were you thinking?
Victoria: I was thinking that you would be with me again!
Max: Who else? Were there any others?
Victoria: Yes … it seems that Johan’s heart was bad, and so I took
the heart of that young woman and gave it to you. I also gave you all of
her blood.
Max: Why?
Victoria: I think the voices you were hearing stem from an imbalance
in your bodily humours. With the transfusion of her blood, that should
stabilize your humors and make the hallucinations stop.
Max: Yes, one would hope… [looking in the general direction of
the ghosts.] Victoria, gentlemen, I would like you to leave me
alone now. I need to think.
Victoria: Max, please, I-
Max: Victoria, PLEASE! I have been through a lot and this is a lot
of news to digest. Leave me be for awhile.
Victoria: All right, Max, I will do as you ask.
[Victoria, Olaf, and Len exit.]
Johan: Now do you believe us, Max?
H.G.: We tried to tell you.
Bartok: Believe us, Max. We are dead … killed by the woman you love
and her servants.
Alhandra: All we wanted was to find the truth.
Max: Who is that?
Sam: We’re the investigators, Max. The woman killed us, too.
Max: I am so sorry. Please, forgive me for my transgressions against
you. I had no idea this was what was happening!
Alhandra: It’s not you we want, Max. You are innocent of this.
Johan: It’s HER that we want.
H.G.: The woman, Victoria.
Bartok: She has murdered us.
Max: Are you sure you don’t want Olaf and Len instead? I’m sure they
were the ones that killed you, not gentle Victoria.
Alhandra: Their hands committed the crime, but it was Victoria’s
will that causes this to happen.
Max: I can’t … I can’t hurt her. I love her.
Sam: You will have to do something, Max. We won’t be able to rest
until she has been punished.
Bartok: Please, Max. You don’t know what it’s like to be a ghost. It is cold, and torturous to see everyone and not be able to talk to them. [places his hands on Max’s shoulders] All we want is to be able to rest. You’re the only one we can talk to, and we will talk to you all the time until you do what we want. Go to Victoria. You know what you must do.
[Max’s leg jerks.]
Max: What was that?
Sam: Did you just do that?
Bartok: I don’t know, I thought about him going to Victoria, and his
legs moved!
Johan: Let me try! [runs to Max, puts his hands on Max’s
shoulders. Max’s arm starts to flair about.]
Max: Stop it! What are you doing!
Johan: Look at that! We can control our old flesh!
[the ghosts gather around and treat Max like a puppet.]
Max: Stop it! Stop it! I beg of you.
H.G.: No, Max, if you won’t help us, it has to be this way.
Max: No!
[they force him offstage. Lights down.]
[Victoria, Olaf, and Len are sitting at a table.]
Victoria: He hates me.
Len: I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, miss Victoria. He just needs to
adjust to all of this.
Victoria: Adjust? What I have done is against everything he and my
father taught – preservation of life. He will never understand.
Olaf: That’s a good point.
Len: Shut up!
Max: [calling from offstage] Run, Victoria! Run! I cannot
stop them!
Victoria: Max, Max, what is it?
[Max enters, trailing ghosts!]
Max: The ghosts of my dead parts can control my flesh and they want
me to kill you! I can’t stop them! Run! I love you, Victoria!
Victoria: And I love you, Maximillian! I did it all for you!
[she exits just as Elsa enters]
Elsa: Miss Victoria, wait! [in the direction where Victoria went] The townsfolk are outside and hot for your blood! They know what you have done! [runs after her and exits]
Victoria: [screams]
Elsa: [from offstage] Oh, no, they are tearing her apart!
Max: There! There, you ghosts! You have had your will! My love is dead! Now leave me be and leave this realm!
Sam: Freedom!
Johan: At last!
[similar shouts of joy from the other ghosts. The ghosts exit.]
[Max slumps to the ground.]
Max: It’s over. It is all over. My poor, poor Victoria. [sobs]
[Lights down. New scene with Max, Olaf, Len, and Victoria’s head.]
Olaf: Do you think this is a good idea, doctor? After all that
happened last time?
Max: Of course. It is only fair that I try to bring her back to life
as well.
Len: But doctor, what about the ghosts?
Max: The ghosts only came because Victoria made you kill those
people. All we have to do is wait for natural deaths. I have paid you men
for your silence. We will wait.
Olaf: But she got impatient and made us kill people. How do we know
you’re not going to do the same thing.
Max: Somehow, this new body of mine doesn’t need food or water. I think I may live a long long time if I am careful. I may even be immortal. With all of that time on my side, I can wait as long as it takes to bring her back. And then she and I will be together. Forever. [takes a deep breath. Elsa walks on-stage.] So … shall we begin?
[lights down. Play ends. Everyone walks on-stage to absorb applause and kudos.]
Fin!
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